For those of us of a western upbringing, travel has a number of impracticalities. There's the vaccinations, the hellish seasickness (for us lucky few), the exotic food with a side of micro-organisms, the jet lag and communication problems with friendly border officials in darkened rooms ("Are you a Jew?", said the Egyptian security guard. "Urm, er, um, n,nnn,nn, no". "Oh, OK then"). But for me, the most inconvenient of inconveniences which may inconvenience a traveller is the lack of convenient conveniences.
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| A typical Chinese Squat toilet. You don't want to lose your balance in there! |
I'm talking of course about toilets found in the orient which are more often than not of the squat pot variety. Now I know a lot of you out there are rolling your eyes,
"It's not that bad", ect, ect. I'll have you know it is that bloody bad! You have to negotiate balance, a freezing arse, not wanting to touch anything, and making sure you don't poo on your own trousers. Avoiding squat toilets became a way of life for me whilst living in China, and for 10 months I was successful.
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| Avoid high fibre food if you need to avoid passing stool. |
I was tactical, mapping my western toilet options around Zhengzhou. Restricting my intake of fibre to constipate myself while travelling cross country and even buying a portable sit down toilet seat.
A few times my super anti squat skills almost failed, and I had to improvise....
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| A Broken Chair padded with a bed sheet. My Invention to cope with the squat toilets of Lanzhou. |
But after 10 months, the squat pot caught up with me, and you know what. It's not that bad.
