Gone in 3 Days: 9 Brilliant Tips to Help you Plan a Bargain Last Minute Holiday!

Have you ever thought to yourself “what am I doing here”? It happens to travellers all the time, especially the more impulsive ones.

“Why am I standing in the middle of a rubbish dump in a small village in rural China”, “How did I end up stranded on this desert island when I'm supposed to be at University” and “How on Earth did I come to be on this tiny boat during the middle of a typhoon” are three instances which come to mind. 

This is me on Lady Musgrave Island, off Queensland's discovery Coast. It looks Idyllic,. but high winds left me stranded when I should have been back at university. Five minutes after this photo was taken I was back to writing a 5000 word essay about the Indian space programme. 

But it's not just the impulsive traveler who suffers from these malicious thoughts, if anything, the 9-5 office worker is far more likely to succumb. So to help you 9-5ers out there, here's my guide on how to to live an impulsive travellers life, without quitting your cubicle!

Fact: You can plan a bargain holiday in 3 days!

Tip 1: Be Flexible

If you want to get a good deal, you have to be flexible. If you've got an inflexible job, you've got to be flexible in your destination! Some of the greatest delights in travel, come from discovering totally obscure destinations. Even if the cheapest flights for your date are to somewhere unpronounceable in Eastern Europe (as they often are), go! Eastern Europe can be a delightful place, cheap too!

The City of Tampere in Central Finland. You can often find bargain flights to places like this if you keep checking the websites of low fares airlines.

Tip 2: Be Decisive

If you see a great last minute deal advertised at your local travel agents or online, get it, don't um and arr about it, if you're free just buy it! If you don't you'll regret it because you might not see another one like it! I still wish I'd bought a 14 day all inclusive holiday in Tunisia for £199 but I got caught up in Mass Hysteria! So.....

Tip 3: Don't succumb to mass hysteria

I know the news looks scary, but they only report the stuff that goes wrong. Wouldn't it be great if the news was just a dispassionate list of everything that happened in the world today!

“At 8:15 this morning, bus number 423 arrived safely at it's destination in Nairobi Kenya. In Sao Paulo, a little girl dropped her ice cream on the floor but her brother gave her his. At 8:45am (GMT), Mr and Mrs Patel of Bangalore, India had dinner at a new Pizza restaurant near their house, after being interviewed, Mrs Patel was quoted as saying “My husband and I had a wonderful time”!. In Vladivostok......”

The crystal clear waters of Tunisia, nothing to worry about!

You get my point. Mass hysteria is usually not worth getting caught up in but, there are exceptions, so...

Tip 4: Don't be stupid

If you're insurer or the Foreign Office advises you don't visit a country, such as Somalia, Afghanistan or Pakistan, don't go! There's a difference between not getting caught up in mass hysteria and down right stupidity!

Tip 5: Don't book a hotel

If you're making a last minute trip, the chances are it's low season. Remember, hotels in tourist towns, especially along the Mediterranean coast are dead in Low season. Once you arrive, you'll have hoteliers begging you to stay with them! Often you can haggle with them and get some truly great deals. I used to book everything, but on my trip to Egypt, I met some travelers who had booked a suite at a 5 star hotel for 50p a night. I couldn't believe I'd been duped into booking online, a room in a hostel for a whole £1 per night!

Dahab, on Egypt's Red Sea coast during low season. Take your chances and show up on the day, the chances are you'll get an amazing deal!

Tip 6:

Get your travel money before you get to the Airport! A few years ago I went to the Czech Republic with a few friends. I planned ahead and bought my Czech Korunas but my friends didn't. At the airport as I answered natures call, my friends got ripped off at one of the change offices. To make matters worse, for some reason, the Czech barman just wouldn't accept their Euros!

The Czech people decided not to adopt the Euro, so you need Korunas if you want to buy stuff there!

Tip 7:

Get some annual insurance, like now! I'm never without annual insurance because it means I can go anywhere whenever I want! I call it my impulse insurance!

Tip 8:

Bring your luggage to work with you! If you've only got a weekend to get away, go straight to the airport when you clock off! You can sleep on the plane can't you? Doing this makes your trip seem so much longer and gives you the feeling of having an extra day. If your feeling really tough, get an early morning flight back and go straight back to work in your board shorts. I've done it before and will do it again!

Tip 9:

Enjoy yourself! Don't be one of those insufferable tourists who constantly moans about everything!

“Why haven't they got Ketchup”, “There's too much garlic in the pasta”, “they don't even know how to cook chips proper!”, “why don't they speak English?”, “its too hot”, “its too cold”, “there's all sand in my shoes”, “ooh it's a bit pricey innit?”.

The beautiful Costa Del Sol. Malaga (Pictured) is well stocked with ketchup!

When things go wrong, I always treat it as a new experience, or at least something to write about, and I seem to have a much better time than many of the wingers I know.

I hope my little guide helps you escape monotony for less and without the need to plan too far ahead!

As they say here in China, Zha Yo!

Serious Travel Article 15: 12 hours of Beijing Part 2

After seeing the police kick the shit out of a trader, just outside the forbidden city (click here to read about that). I plodded along towards the entrance of the forbidden city. Even surrounded by tourists, it's impossible not to be impressed by the immensity of the forbidden city, by its prison like red walls, its imposing towers and the sheer scale of everything.

The Forbidden City (Without all the tourists)

I decided not to go inside.

I know that sounds like a stupid decision but I stand by it. I told myself that I would not go in until I was together with my parents. So, one day I will return to Beijing with my parents and visit the forbidden city.

I returned to Tiananmen Square and wandered about. I found it deeply boring. Tiananmen Square is a huge expanse of concrete, surrounded by oversized governments buildings which overpower thier surroundings. They are clearly a show of power, they are a symbol carrying a message for the people of China.

"Don't fuck with us".

The Endless expanse of Concrete which is Tiananmen Square

After twenty minutes giggling at the absurdity of having soldiers in little glass boxes guarding the flag of the PRC, I decided to be on my way.

I had heard that the best place to go shopping in Beijing was Wang Fu Jing. I went and what I found was a labyrinth of underground shops which went of forever, I got hopelessly lost, wandering from sports shop to boutique. In the mall I began to swelter from the central heating. It was -10c outside and I was wearing 6 layers. It became unbearable.Unable to find the proper way out, I burst through an emergency fire escape to the freezing world outside, running away before any security guards could chase me down.

The pavement pounding had given me, what I like to call "museum legs". That awful feeling that you've been wandering aimlessly for too long and you yearn to sit down. I found a KFC and took a nap. I was in good company. Thanks to the Chinese Education system (16hrs a day at school + endless homework), the people of China have the amazing ability to nap almost anywhere, any time. (You can witness this at you local university library!). In fact, any KFC, Dicos or McDonald’s in China will almost certainly contain people with their heads flat on the table, out for the count. I also had a bit to eat (a bowl of noodles I'd bought for 3rmb outside the KFC restaurant) this too is common in China.

Any KFC in China, the perfect place for a nap!

It was only 1pm, my train wasn't leaving until 7. I was at a loss for what to do, so just as I always do I such a situation, I got on the first bus I saw. It was a big blue double decker bus, I sat at the top and snapped photos. I like riding random city buses with no idea where I'm going, I've always thought it's the best way to get inside a city, and get away from the tourist show.

After about 40 minutes of looking out the window, the bus came to a stop. I was evidently the last person on the bus and the bus driver began to yell at me. I quickly alighted and bravely run away, only to find myself in the middle of a bus depot. I jumped over the fence to avoid any more hassle when I discovered I was in the middle of the Beijing Olympic park. The Olympic park looked empty and desolate in the dimming winter sun. Like Tiananmen Square and much of China, it severely lacked greenery. While the Birds Nest Stadium and Water Cube didn’t look neglected, they looked abandoned, like they had been forgotten in this remote part of Beijing, unused but still somehow loved in the back of every Chinese persons mind.

The Olympic Park in Beijing seems to be largely abandoned these days.

However, as long oversized and underused monuments, it wont be long before people start pissing on them.

"Never become a monument, otherwise people will piss on you" - Paul Theroux.

As I caught my train back to Zhengzhou, I looked out of the window at Beijing, the skyscrapers were all lit up making the Beijing skyline almost look beautiful. I thought to myself "I really must visit Beijing one of these days".

Link to Part 1

Link to Silvia's Beijing

10 Amazing Places You've Probably Diddn't Even Know Existed

I'm going to denigrate my blog with a list. Apparently people like lists. You can't trust people can you? People voted for Hitler, People like Coldplay! Anyway, enough plagiarized sarcasm, here is a list of ten places that you probably never knew existed and I hope you never go to (so as not to spoil it for me).

1. Palau

The Rock Islands of Palau

I'm often asked where do you most want to go, my usual reply is Palau. Often the respose is a blank face and a the awkward question......where was that again? It's an island chain that you could find on a map by drawing a line north from New Guinea and a line east from the Philippines. "Oh", is the usual reply. "Which country is that in?". "Palau is in Palau" I say abruptly. The conversation tends to end there.

Why you shouldn’t go there: It's so out of the way that getting there is exceedingly expensive!

2: Jamestown, St Helena.

The Capital of St Helena, Jamestown

 Somewhere in the south Atlantic, between Africa and the Americas, is a little island named St Helena. It's largest settlement Jamestown is a peculiar little slice (more like a very long strip) of quaint Middle England.

Why you shouldn't go there: It's almost impossible to get there!

3: Tristan Da Cunha

The Island of Tristan da Cunha seen from above

Another British dependency in the South Atlantic. Tristan da Cunha is a great big volcano which, for some reason, a few hundred people live upon. I say for some reason, I'd love to live there, but I'm not allowed. Because its such a great place to live, they don't allow outsiders to emigrate there!

Why you shouldn't go there: The people there have such a great life, do you really want to ruin it for them? 

4: Balls Pyramid

Balls Pyramid, Australia

Balls Pyramid is a 561m high rock in the middle of the sea. As a reference, the Empire State Building is just over 300m. If you want to see it, book a trip to Lord Howe Island.

Why you shouldn't go there: How would you get off the boat?

5: St Kilda Island

The Abandoned Island of St Kilda, a remote outpost of the British Isles

Far from the esplanade of St Kilda in Melbourne. The far more windswept original lurks in the North Atlantic, far away from the Scottish coast. It's inhabitants were all evacuated to the mainland due to a storm decades ago and never returned.

Why you shouldn’t go there: It's cold and windy.

6: Kerguelen

Kerguelen, French Southern and Antarctic Territories

If you went south from the Maldives for many thousands of miles, you would come to a funny little archipelago named Kerguelen. A cold, foreboding landscape full of mountains and moors, it really is France's answer to the Falklands.

Why you shoulden't go there: It's freezing and almost impossible to get there. To make matters worse, the only people there are French! 

7: Lhuntse

Lhuntse, Bhutan

In fact, a lot of people haven't even heard of Bhutan. A magical little kingdom in between India and China. I hope India doesn't gobble up Bhutan like it did Sikkim and I hope Bhutan doesn't get ruined by globalisation and "progress" like most of the world has. Long live Gross National Happiness!!!

Why you shouldn't go there: Bhutan will only let you in if they want you. Forget being a tourist in Bhutan. 

8: Lake Baikal

Lake Baikal, Russia

Lake Baikal is the worlds deepest lake containing 1/5 of all the planet's fresh water. 

Why you shouldn't go there: It's bloody freezing! 

9: Kimbe Bay

Kimbe Bay, New Britain, Papua New Guinea

Papua New Guinea has spectacular natural beauty, but due to its reputation for violence and scant regard to health and safety, it's seldom visited.

Why you shouldn't go there: Papua New Guinea is one of the worlds most dangerous countries. Although, actually, most of PNG is fine. It's just places like Port Moresby which give the rest of the country a bad reputation.  

10: Gilan

The Rainforests of Gilan Province, Iran

Yep, this is a rainforest in Iran! Amazing huh?

Why you shouldn’t go there: Iran is run by nutcases.Which isn't totally true either. In fact, I would feel safe visiting Iran.

There you go, these are 10 amazing places that I bet you didn’t know existed. If you did, well done, have you been to any of these places? Have you got a few more to add? Please leave a comment!

Isn't Abroad Awful?

Many British people, will come up and say to me, "Isn't Abroad just Awful?"

I've considered this question, and although it's meant to be rhetorical, I've answered it anyway.

A map of the world according to abroadness. Clearly, Britain is not abroad, all sane people know this to be fact but surprisingly, according to abroadness studies at Sheffield University, neither are Mali and Western Sahara in North Africa as well as Uruguay and Suriname in South America. As you can see, countries such as Madagascar, Russia and Mexico are only a little abroad while Saudi Arabia and Canada are very abroad. China, Libya and Turkey appear to be somewhere in the middle.   

My thoughtfully considered answer is the following:

No.

That is all.