Serious Travel Aricle 25: Xi'an Part 4. The Terracotta Warriors

On our last day in Xi'an, we went to the train station to take the coach to the largest and best known atoll of interest in Xi'an. Far from the main archipelago and outside the protective lagoon of the city wall are the terracotta warriors.

We were befriended on the bus by a group of public school leavers (probably Eton). They were on their travels after finishing school, two of them, Olivia, a pale redhead and Augustus, a blonde haired son of a diplomat whom I thought of as the heir to Boris Johnson (in a good way) were on gap years. The other,Tiberius , was soon to start his physics course at Oxford, as “the Oxford Physics department don't allow you to take a gap year”. While we were waiting in line, they asked us whether we would like to share a guide to save money. Coco announced “Don't worry, you don't need a guide, I was a student here for four years, I can be our guide!” 

A stern looking terracotta warrior.

I knew very well that Coco knew nothing at all about the terracotta warriors and just wanted to save a few quid, but our poor new toffee nosed friends didn't and happily accepted the offer. We spent our time touring the magnificent remains of the terracotta army, all covered by an enormous hanger and dimly lit to preserve the wonders (or to make it more atmospheric, but I prefer the first explanation). Coco bent over backwards to try and eavesdrop on the tour guides speaking in Chinese around us and translate it into English for our friends, pretending she really did know about the warriors, she struggled a lot with extra questions and dates, although she became quite creative, making up enough phoney facts to keep them convinced. If found them to be charming company, and almost as interesting at the warriors themselves. After they left, I decided I liked the British upper classes. Except when they go on rifle safaris and fox hunt. 

Tourists pose with the terracotta warriors

The warriors themselves were mind blowing in their immensity. Each a life-sized replica of a person that would have lived over two thousand years ago when Qin Shi Huang ordered the terracotta warriors to be constructed. Each warrior has been crafted with such intricate detail it's difficult to believe that they aren't petrified human remains, frozen in time by an evil witch. When you try to imagine them pained in realistic colours as they would have been originally and some still are, they become one of the greatest achievements of the ancient world. The most miraculous thing about the warriors is that they were discovered just after the end of the Cultural Revolution and thus spared the merciless vandalism of the red guards.

It was drizzling as we left, so we had lunch in the subway to escape the rain. We both wanted to eat biang biang mian, a bowl of noodles with a name so complicated, being sold around the terracotta warriors complex that Chinese tourists stopped to take photos of the overly complex character. Unfortunately subway was the only restaurant not to rack up the prices and the only one we could afford. 

Biang Biang Mian. Biang is the most complex character in simplified Chinese script. After much searching, my wife and I were unable to find a definition. Only that, this word isn't in the dictionary, but is a local Shaanxi word to describe it's special big hearted noodles.

We ate biang biang mian when we returned to Xi'an.

After visiting all the atolls of interest Xi'an had to offer, there seemed no reason left to stay, you can't stay in Xi'an for more than four of five days, not as an island hopper anyway. We headed beck to Zhengzhou, our vast ocean of uninterest.

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Serious Travel Article 24: Xi'an Part 3. Return to Xi'an International Studies University and the Best Cake in Central China

On the next day Coco brought me to her old university, Xi'an International Studies University. It was a typical Chinese University, filled with old teaching blocks and seven story student dorms, six to a room with no running water, and no elevator to get up to the top floor. Inside the campus were tall leafy trees and abstract statues which meant nothing to me. 

The Main Gate of Xi'an International Studies University

The side streets around the university were buzzing with activity. Bars, cheap shops and restaurants lined the streets. We stopped in a little place called The Village Café, turn left as you leave the main gate of Xi'an International Studies University and walk down the side road, you'll find it on the right hand side. It was special as it was run by a bunch of foreigners, Coco used to meet her old friend Bonnie Stanford there when she taught in Xi'an, and it served all the favourites from back home. Including apple pie, chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, carrot cake, chocolate cake and more. Being in China for extended periods makes you miss such things, we bought one of every cake they sold. Feeling food drunk, we continued to Xi'an International Studies University's new campus, out of town. 

Delicious Cake

It was a large modern campus, empty but still impressive. It was green and had fruit trees throughout. Close to Coco's old dorm building were plum and pomegranate trees. Both were falling off the trees and giving the ants below a grand feast. We decided to deprive the ants and take some fruit for ourselves. No sooner than we begun, a fat, middle aged woman began chasing us, screaming “that's not your fruit, go away”.

“We'll just let it all drop on the floor then if that's what you want,” Coco shouted back as we fled.

“It's my fruit, I can do whatever I want with it”.

It wasn't her fruit, it belonged to the university, but during the summer holiday, this pretender seemed to claim it as her territory. Not wanting to fight we scrambled with the handful of fruit we collected before the hippo charged. 

The new campus of Xi'an International Studies University filled with mammoth buildings and lines of fruit trees.

We explored the outer reaches of the campus, most of it abandoned and covered in graffiti, a growing problem in urban China.

For dinner I fell in love with another dish. Ma Shi are little noodles shaped like tiny fish, no more than 2cm long and 1 cm wide. Not what once expects when one orders noodles. They can be fried or boiled with chilli, eggs, vegetables, tomatoes or meat, or any combination of the above. I would soon be leaving Xi'an and you can't get Ma Shi anywhere else. I bravely decided to have two dinners that evening. It wasn't easy after all that cake, but brave decisions are often difficult.

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Serious Travel Article 23: Xian Part 2. The Drum Tower and The Wild Goose Pagoda

Overlooking the end of the Muslim quarter is the drum tower. A rectangular based, traditional Chinese tower which looks solid enough to withstand a tsunami if it had to. Nearby the Drum Tower is Xi'an's famous Bell Tower. Despite my student card getting me half price entry, I still decided to choose only one to save a little money. Considering the bell tower's new job as roundabout centrepiece, and the unlikelihood that I'd be allowed to ring the bell, I decided to climb the drum tower. It exceeded my expectations. The tower seemed old (which in China is all you can really ask for) and it had lots of big drums. It sounds simplistic but sometimes a great sense of satisfaction can be gained by banging a drum bigger than oneself, especially when you suspect it may be forbidden. It wasn't a very strictly enforced rule, everyone seemed to be doing it. 

The Drums of the Drum Tower, Xi'an

Inside the second floor was an exhibition of ancient Chinese musical instruments. Although many were truly old drums, there were many other instruments on show a multilingual explanation of how the instruments were used as well as the story of the tower itself. On the top floor of the Drum Tower was a room filled with nineteenth century, European looking antiques. It was odd that no photos were allowed, it seemed like a rule for the sake of a rule but I followed it after being told off. On the top floor was a little shop selling tourist tat. It seemed there was no escape. Hawkers tried to sell me a box of postcards, for 30 yuan. My indifference to the postcards seemed to intrigue them as when I began to walk away, they were shouting “only pay 5 ok!”. I left the drum tower happy at having banged some big drums. 

The Bell Tower. A fine roundabout centerpiece.

The next atoll of interest in the Xi'an archipelago was the Wild Goose Pagoda. We took a bus from the Bell Tower changing at an intersection close to the university and filled with young people. Xi'an, outside the tourist areas, seems more vibrant than other inland Chinese cities like Beijing or Wuhan. The Wild Goose Pagoda is surrounded by a ghastly new, sprawling shopping complex, inspired half by the architecture of the Tang Dynasty, half by glassy modernism. 

It looks good from a distance, and the musical fountains are fun, especially watching security guards furiously whistling at members of the public walking across them. However when you see the fake LED ceiling inside the mall itself, changing every five minutes from a blue sky (Xi'an dwellers might need to be reminded what that looks like) to comets hurtling thorough space, I felt it trivialized an important historical monument in a cheap, Las Vegas way. 

The Wild Goose Pagoda in Xi'an. Don't walk across the fountains or you will be whistled at. 

The wild goose pagoda itself is a grand yet austere old building dating back to the seventh century. Although it has been remodeled and repaired , in the 8th century it had 5 floors added and was extensively repaired during the Ming dynasty and in 1964 in the early Mao dynasty, it has the appearance of ancientness, unlike the Drum Tower and especially the Bell Tower which to me was just a pretty centerpiece for a busy intersection, like the Arch de Triumph. 

If you find yourself having to choose between sights in Xi'an, a visit to the Wild Goose Pagoda is a better use of your time than the Drum or Bell Towers. 

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Serious Travel Article 22: Xi'an Part 1. The Muslim Quarter

Xi'an feels like a collection of small coral islands scattered in the ocean. The parts of Xi'an you want to visit are the coral atolls, floating above a reflective sea of uninteresting glass and frozen waves of concrete. Surrounding the little islands is a barrier reef, worth visiting, protecting the little gems from the fury of the high seas.

Xi'an involves a lot a pavement stomping, and after dropping off our bags at our hostel, just a room in some lady's house. We pounded away. The city blocks all feel sameish and with no clear destination and no clue that you're getting any closer to an atoll of interest, your legs feel all the more tired.

Coco was taking me to the Muslim quarter, an area she used to come to when she was a student in the city. But it had changed so much in the four years since she had studied there it had become unrecognizable. We stopped to get directions and were pointed back onto the right path. The main street in the Muslim quarter came out of nowhere, hiding behind a corner in some dank, dead end in the city. 

The uninteresting streets of Xi'an

The crowds make it seem buzzing. Tourists come from all over China, and the world to gawk at the Koranic followers who dwell there. I found the place interesting too, particularly the trash bins. Many of the tourists had bought kebabs of mutton, vegetables, tofu and even skewered sugared fruits. These had been piled into the bins in the Muslim quarter and instead of being cleared, had been allowed to pile up until they became towers of jagged wooden skewers which stool proudly with the bin far below acting as a solid foundation. I enjoyed adding my skewers to the towers. 

A bin based tower of sticks in Xian's Muslim Quarter

The Muslim quarter is quite clearly Islamic. The Arabic script which is used to write the Xinjiang Uyghur language is everywhere while women cover their immoral parts (their hair) and men grow long bushy beards and wear white skull caps.

Somewhere within the Muslim quarter is a bazaar which wouldn't look out of place in Marrakesh, Mosul or Medina. An ongoing, narrow and semi covered alleyway, occasionally branching off in some other direction. The alleyway was filled with warm, rich colours, lots of red, orange and yellow everything. The traders were well verse in world languages, especially English which is rare in China. The traders in the market spoke English better than most of the Chinese English teachers I know. As good as there linguistic skills were, they were filled with ill meaning. They sold all manner of fake antiques, dancing cardboard cut outs floating on bits of string (yes, that old trick) and general tourist tat. The tat was so overpriced my wife and I spent an hour inquiring and listening to foreigners trying to haggle just for entertainment. The sort of rubbish that you could buy in Zhengzhou (off the tourist trail) for 0.1 yuan was selling here for 10. If it cost them 10 yuan, they'd be selling it for 200.

Xi'an Muslim Quarter: The Bazaar. Don't get overcharged!

We saw a German couple haggling for a crummy watch. The hawker started at 600 yuan (£60), the Hawkers got it for 300 and walked off happy. The traders later boasted they'd bought it for five yuan in a box of a thousand.

I know a lot of travellers tell you not to haggle too much because these people are poor and unfortunate, some tell you to aim for 50% off. Don't listen to them, in Xi'an, and in many places around China this isn't true. The traders are rich and they like nothing more than ripping you off. Haggle for a fair price or don't pay. Tip: When the price is settled and you've got your money out, ALWAYS ask for an additional freebie. It usually works as the traders can see how close they are to getting their money, but be prepared to walk away.

The best thing about the Muslim quarter is the food, don't let the hanging carcasses of dead animals, attracting flies in the mid day sun put you off (well, use your discretion). Try as much as you can but if you're pressed for time and can only try one thing, get the spinach noodles. I fell in love with them in Xi'an.

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Rant of the Day: The Surprise Beaches of Xiamen City & Non accurate top 10 lists

While searching online for the best beaches in China, I found the following list:

China's Top 9 Beaches: According to echinacities.

"1) Bo'ao City, Hainan Province
Bo'ao city, located in the middle of the east coast of Hainan, is itself regarded as a pleasant and historical small town to visit, surrounded by rice fields and notable for its restaurants and cultural sites. Bo'ao Beach is not far away, and its main peninsula forms a crescent shape, largely separating the two outgoing rivers from the sea. Though it's a pay-to-enter beach, it is beautifully scenic and not known to draw the large crowds that the Sanya area does.
Beach Name: Bo'ao Yudai Beach (Jade Belt Beach)
Size: 2.5 km long, 10-300 m wide
Price: Adults – 60 RMB; children over 1 meter – 30 RMB; children under 1 meter – 20 RMB
Popular activities: Tour boats – 50 RMB, hot springs
Nearby venues: Several large restaurants, small food stands, noodle shops, local product vendors
Other spots nearby: Bo'ao Asian Forum Hall, Eastern Culture Garden, Ocean Museum, Wanquan River Drifting
Interesting details: According to the Shanghai Guinness World Record archives, Yudai Beach is the narrowest and longest stretch of beach in the world that separates the sea from fresh water
Distance from city or town: The beach is about 500 meters from the center of Bo'ao town, 16 kilometers from Qionghai City and 96 kilometers from Meilan Airport
2) Xuejia Island, Qingdao, Shandong Province
Qingdao and its surroundings have been attracting tourists for nearly one hundred years due to a fantastic coastline with large beaches, both within the city and without. Because of its German colonial heritage, it also blends its Chinese flair with numerous European style mansions, villas and churches. Since most city-goers prefer as quick a journey to the beach as possible, Xuejia Island is far less crowded than closer and more famous retreats. Not an actual island, but a long peninsula in Qingdao's southeastern Huangdao District, it also remains little-developed, so people who expect the comforts of home will have to adapt to more modest venues. Golden Beach, which looks out directly on the ocean and several small islands, is flanked by two large sectors of farms and forest, and the equally-undeveloped Silver Beach.
Beach name: Golden Beach
Size: 3.5 km long, 300 m wide
Price: Free
Popular activities: Motorboats, beach volleyball and beach soccer; prices around 50-200 RMB
Nearby venues: Food street with countless small shops and restaurants, street stands selling shells and other local treasures
Other spots nearby: Silver Beach, Shique Beach, Chengu Temple, Ganshui Bay, Yangwuhou Tomb
Popular foods: The most famous dishes at Golden Beach are crab, abalone and sea cucumber.
Interesting details: During ebb tide, locals say you can see a large frog-shaped stone, its head facing east and its back facing west
Distance from city or town: The Island is twenty minutes by fast boat from Qingdao and forty minutes by ferry. From the dock, you can get to Golden Beach in around 15 minutes by bus
3) First Bathing Beach, Qingdao, Shandong Province
Probably the most popular beach in Qingdao, and just a few minutes from downtown, First Bathing Beach sits within a broad inlet, with two peninsular arms stretching out on either side, one of them lined with weathered, rugged rocks and both of them peaked with European villas. If you feel like a walk in the grass after swimming, Huiquan Square and spacious Zhongshan Park are immediately behind the beach. If you feel more like a stroll through one of the city's old quarters, Xiaoyu Hill is directly to the right. Sand, water, and city treasures are neatly interwoven here.
Beach name: First Bathing Beach (Haishui Yuchang)
Size: 580 m long, 40+ meters wide
Price: Free
Popular activities: Waterbiking, motorboat, paragliding; prices range between 150-300 RMB
Nearby venues: Leisure center, food stands, beach venues, hotels, international restaurants
Other spots nearby: Qingdao Ocean World, Xiaoyu Hill, Zhongshan Park, Qingdao Museum of Marine Products
Interesting details: The beach is open for swimming only from July to September. It's known to have clean water and mild waves. Though it draws large crowds for much of the summer, the Qingdao area has five other beaches to choose from
Distance from city or town: It takes about 25 minutes by bus from downtown. You can take Bus No. 6, 15, 26, 31, 214, 304, 311, 312, 316, 604 or 605 buses to the Haishui Yuchang stop
4) Golden Pebble Beach, Dalian, Liaoning Province
The Dalian area is surrounded by thousands of kilometers of coastline and numerous beaches, but Golden Pebble Beach has quickly become the most highly-regarded in the region. Its clean water, fine sand and many reefs make it attractive, as do the fantastic shapes and colors of its limestone rocks. Though the beach is free, the area has been a resort since 1992, and some of the nearby attractions and hotels are quite expensive.
Beach name: Golden Pebble Beach (Jinshitan Scenic Area)
Size: 4.5 km long, 100-200 m wide
Price: Free
Popular activities: Diving, fishing, windsurfing, water-biking, beach volleyball and soccer (most of them located on beach's eastern portion); prices between 50 and 300 RMB
Nearby venues: Many shops and restaurants are along the eastern portion of the beach.
Popular foods: International food, seafood, barbecue
Other spots nearby: Golf courses, yacht club, house of wax, Golden Stone Park
Interesting details: This beach is said to be the longest and most beautiful in northeastern China. Many sports matches are held here every year, including the Women's Beach Volleyball World Cup, the Dalian International Winter Swimming Festival and the Dalian Triathlon
Distance from city or town: 8 km from Dalian
5) Meizhou Island, Fujian Province
Meizhou Island, just off the coast from Putian in China's southeastern Fujian Province, is a composite of many rapidly-developing neighborhoods and long swathes of beach. Once most famous as a pilgrimage site because of its Mazu Temple, and still drawing thousands of pilgrims every year, the island is also quickly becoming known for its natural attractions. Though only six square miles, its odd shape cut out from inlets and peninsulas allows for even more miles of mostly-broad beaches. Large portions of the island's southern half and northern tip are heavily tree-covered, and several large stone shorelines interrupt its curvaceous stretches of sand.
Beach name: Jiubaolan Golden Beach
Size: 3 km long, 500 m wide during ebb tide
Price: Free for the beach, but island entrance is 50 RMB
Popular activities: Yacht, motorboat, hovercraft, surfing
Nearby venues: Restaurants, shops selling handicrafts and accessories
Popular food: Mazu noodles and dried scallops are local specialties
Other spots nearby: Mazu Temple, Lianchi Beach, E'wei Beach, E'wei Stone Garden
Interesting details: You can rent a tent and camp on the beach for 50 RMB
Distance from city or town: About 50 minutes from central Putian to the dock, and 15 minutes by boat to the island. Taxis are available from the island dock to the beach
6) Gulangyu Island, Xiamen, Fujian Province
Just a few minutes from Xiamen, Gulangyu Island is a world apart, not just for its smaller buildings and heavy tree-cover, but also for its motor vehicle ban, which maintains the island's quiet, neighborhood atmosphere. Much of what makes the island unique comes from its history as a western settlement, one which has left the island with many churches, an array of international architecture and an immense number of pianos. Exploring the narrow streets, shops and local wares is also an obvious part of the island's charm. Gangzaihou Beach is on a southwestern stretch of the island, and is one of the island's most popular.
Beach name: Gangzaihou Bathing Beach
Size: Over 300 meters long, 20-70 meters wide
Price: Free
Popular activities: Motorboat, yacht, swimmer's service center; prices between 100 and 250 RMB
Nearby venues: Shops selling specialties such as handicrafts and fishballs, restaurants
Other spots nearby: Riguangyan (Sunshine Rock), Shuzhuang Garden, Haoyue Garden (Moon Garden), Piano Museum, Ocean World, Gulang Stone (an island landmark)
Interesting details: The island has many hostels and cafes. There are no motor vehicles
Distance from city or town: The ferry reaches the island in 5 minutes from Xiamen.
7) Hailing Island, Yangjiang, Guangdong Province
Hailing Island is ridiculously beautiful. Just off the coast of Yangjiang city in southern China's Guangdong province, the southern half of this large island looks out on the South China Sea, with beaches surrounded by tropical forest and hills. While its traditional fishing culture still survives among the locals, the island entertains visitors with its abundance of water sports and beach activities along with its stunning ocean views. Despite the island's development in some areas, most of the island is not heavily built up, and several isolated beaches, on its eastern and western tips, await the adventurous. Shili Silver Beach, on the southern coast, is the island's longest.
Beach name: Shili Silver Beach
Size: 8 km long, 150 m wide
Price: Free
Popular activities: Surfing, boating, horse riding
Nearby shops: Many stalls selling handicrafts and local food
Popular food: Cantonese
Other spots nearby: Two mountains are to the left and right of the beach area – Dajiao Mountain (Horn Mountain) and Caowong Mountain. Dajiao Bay and Mawei Island (Horsetail Island) are also nearby.
Interesting details: Much of the Shili Silver Beach area has very little development
Distance from city or town: Shili Silver Beach is 15 minutes from Zhabo Town, 1.5 hours from Zhuhai and Hong Kong by bus, and 3 hours from Guangzhou by bus
8 & 9) Also worth regarding is Beihai Silver Beach nearby Beihai city in Guangxi. Not only is it one of China's longest, but also exceeds 300 meters wide for long stretches. It's a veritable dune. Beihai Silver Beach is known for its clear, clean water and countless beach activities and despite its recent popularity, it is more than spacious enough for its visitors. South China's Dong'ao Island, less than an hour from Zhuhai by boat, is a good bit more removed from the city, and is one of Guangdong's island paradises, with emerald greenery, three large beaches and a proximity to many other island retreats."

All very nice beaches I'm sure, but there's a problem.

What this list and all the other lists like it do is mention the most famous beaches in lieu of the best ones.

Take example number six. Gulangyu Island, Xiamen.

Yes, there are beaches on Gulangyu but they are small, crowded and surrounded by expensive hotels and restaurants, designed to rip off travelers. They also look out to docklands and are set right next to a power station, not what I would consider a top national beach. Meanwhile on Xiamen's main island you'll find longer, cheaper, more beautiful, cleaner, less crowded beaches with a backdrop of green hills and forests stretching on for as far as the eye can see. 

The Island at the top center of the picture is Gulangyu, the beaches face south to a dockland area while in the top left of the picture you can see a power plant. The island itself might be a little tropical paradise, but its surrounds aren't.

This beach on Xiamen Island by comparison is over 5km long, is nestled under green mountains and looks towards the largely green Jinmen Island, Administered by Taipei. What could be more fun?

 So what a great surprise it was to find this long, golden delightful beach when all I was expecting were the tiddlers of Gulangyu.

I do hope the publishers of these online lists try a little harder to find the real best beaches of wherever before they start making superlative top ten lists. I don't know if my beach is up there in the top ten, so I wont label it as such, just a surprise beach from me.

End of semi rant.

Here's some funny pictures of brides to be having their photos taken on on the long beaches of Xiamen.

Wedding Photo in Xiamen

Four Brides to be having their wedding photos taken in Xiamen

The Chinese have invented a new tradition of spending ludicrous amounts of money on having badly taken wedding photos taken in scenic locations to put in hilarious and corny wedding albums. I even have one of my own! Mine cost £200 but some cost up to £10,000!

Zhong Shan Lu - Xiamen

Zhong Shan Lu is Xiamen's Oxford Street, plush, fancy, full of tourist tat, fancy looking and astonishingly, worth a visit, even from a grumpy, anti shopping for fun, misery guts like me.

Located in the south west of Xiamen, Zhong Shan Lu is named after the great Sun Zhong Shan, a revolutionary who helped overthrow the Qing dynasty and form the Republic of China. Despite being a member of the Kuomintang, he is revered thorough the Peoples Republic as a great teacher of  the two greatest leaders of China, Jiang Jie Shi and my old buddy Mao Ze Dong. Common people were at the heart of his decision making. So it was easy for the Communists as well as the Nationalists to claim linage from him.

Philosopher Coco Wang with her parents in Zhong Shan Lu, Xiamen

Hence all the roads and the odd city named after him in China!

Go to Zhong Shan Lu if you like expensive boutiques round the corner from sprawling alleyways of street food markets and foot fish biting salons on every corner.

Warning, if you are fat you may find the alleyways off Zhong Shan Lu difficult to navigate, some of the gaps between the buildings are as little as 40cm wide, making Zhong Shan Lu, all the more tolerable for those who dislike shopping.

The ugly side of Chinese Culture. Sham Medicine made from dried Sea Horses widely available on Xiamen's Zhong Shan Lu.

One tip. If you go to Zhong Shan Lu, look out for big mall developments and lion dancers. They will give you free 10rmb vouchers for a Taiwanese food hall. I got at least twenty.

Serious Travel Article 21: The Island of Gulangyu, Xiamen, Fujian

Squeezed in line at a crowded ferry terminal in Xiamen, I waited with my wife Coco and her parents to board the ferry to Gulangyu Island, just off the coast. All the ferries were packed, ours no exception, so I hashed a plan.

Get on and run to the back, don't sit down, stand at the edge, the near corner, don't wait for each other, just go to that point. I'd organized war plans with my friends on seat unallocated Easyjet and Ryanair flights, this was going to be easy.

It was.

Two minutes later we occupied the best places at the back of the ferry, with the best panoramic views across the bay of the islands and the city. 

The Xiamen to Gulangyu Island ferry, returning in the morning, hence the lack of crowds

Gulangyu Island is Xiamen's top, must see tourist attraction. The tour guide on the ferry said Gulangyu was a special, the island had been the centre of Amoy (back when Xiamen was called Amoy) and, due to China's defeat to the British Empire and the subsequent Treaty of Nanking, became a Treaty Port. This meant it became internationalized and administered by various colonial powers. Britain was predominant, and as such British Indian Sikh Police were drafted in to control the population. The Sikhs have long gone, but to this day, Gulangyu is dotted with Victorian buildings grand and miniature alike.

From the boat, the island looked pretty and serene, with low lying, pastel coloured colonial buildings scattered around and palm trees lining the white sands. I couldn’t wait to dock. As if pouncing on the excitement of the passengers, the crew of our vessel began hawking a box of Gulangyu postcards for the low low price of twenty yuan, around two pounds. Coco was tempted but I managed to dissuade her. Her parents were also hypnotized by the sales pitch just before we arrived, but I told them it wasn't worth it. 

Gulangyu Island, Xiamen, Fujian, China

The crew had said “once you disembark you'll never get another chance to buy these postcards”. Most of our fellow passengers succumbed and parted with their twenty yuan. As soon as we stepped foot on the dock, a hawker offered the same set of postcards for just 10 yuan. My father in law was sold. He soon regretted it as the next offered it for seven, then five, then finally three yuan.

He stomped around for a while, angry about being cheated while the rest of us got our bearings. China's one and only piano museum was the hot attraction on the tourist trail but it seemed beyond boring for those with no interest in pianos. It was another boiling day in Fujian Province so we decided to get an ice cool drink in one of the beach side cafés. Sitting down on a bench we looked at the menu, 40 yuan for a coconut with a straw, 30 yuan for a coke. It seemed the whole island was run to rip off visitors. We settled for water for 5 yuan a bottle and began to explore the interior of the island. Alleyways straddled the island like and irregular spiders web but wiggling like the roots of the giant durian trees whose bowling ball sized stinking fruit proved both a fascination and a mortal danger to gawking tourists. 

Durians hanging dangerously in the trees overhead

Hanging high at an impossibly steep angle was Sunlight Rock, the highest point on Gulangyu. It was the island's sore thumb sticking out at it's centre and I wanted to climb up. But as I squinted at the scorching rock, and the traffic jam of people in the single track path climbing up it, moving slowly without an iota of shade, I decided against it. On a forty degree day, it would be mad for a blonde haired European to stand in line on an exposed rock, high above the tree line, even with all the sunscreen in the world. 

Sunlight rock, poking his head above the trees on Gulangyu Island

Plodding on past the rock we discovered a local, not hell bent on rinsing the tourists for all their worldly goods. She had a little hut and was selling great big rice starch dumplings, 2 yuan for one. We bought 10 and made them out lunch, delicious carrot and veggie rice starch dumplings. The dumplings in southern China were a lot nicer than the flour boiled salt packets of the north. They were subtle and fragrant. They made me want to live in Xiamen, were I could gobble them everyday and be free of smog.

The only free museum on the island is the one dedicated to Zheng Chengong (Koxinga). Set in a large Victorian mansion, it details Koxinga's rise to prominence and power as commander in the late Ming Dynasty, fighting against the Manchurians for hegemony over China and then fighting and beating the Dutch in Taiwan, making Taiwan a haven for Ming Dynasty loyalists. Taiwan seems to have become a haven for ousted Chinese political dynasties. Of course in the museum, Koxinga was revered as an anti imperialist who kicked the Dutch out of Chinese Taiwan, omitting the fact that the aboriginal Taiwanese hardly considered their island part of greater China, and only switched allegiances upon Koxinga's invasion due to their dislike of Dutch compulsory education.

The Great Sino-Japanese Warrior and Commander Zheng Chengong, also know as Koxinga

It also failed to mention that Koxinga was born in Japan, and was half Japanese. I decided to remember that fact whenever a brainwashed Chinese person began to tell me how much they hated Japan…. a common topic.

The day became more and more crowded the closer to the north of the island we got. The north of the island, directly opposite the main island of Xiamen is filled with tourist tat shops, restaurants and even a McDonald's. The problem was everything was so jammed full, sardine style with tourists, you could hardly move, let alone get a seat in the Mango Ice Cream shop. After an hour of being squeezed, we returned to the mainland, in what felt like a pilchard tin where you had enough room to spin a cat abuser.

Gulangyu Island is expensive, pretty, but not massively so, mildly interesting and considering I visited out of season, hugely over stuffed with far too many people. 

Illegal Turtles, Coral, Ivory and other Dead Animal products are on sale in Gulangyu. The merchant Chased me out of his shop and tried to steal my camera after taking this photo. I good enough reason to publish it to make the world aware of the Illegal sale of protected animals on Gulangyu Island, Xiamen.

On the return voyage, I overheard one of my fellow pilchards say, “Gulangyu is far too crowded, I'm never coming here again, next year the Maldives”.

I think I'll take his advice.

Travel tip of the day: How to get free accomodation anywhere in the world.

I'm about to tell you about a fantastic new website I've found. It will cut the cost of your travels massively and you don't need to house swap. It's called trampolinn, let me explain how it works.

Sign up to their website and they will give you points. I already have 2300 points because I signed up, filled in my profile and used a promo code. Later I will give you the trampolinn promo code so keep reading!

Now I can search for places all over the world! It costs me around 50 points to pitch a tent is someones garden, 80 points to crash on a couch, 100+ to get a bed in a shared room, 200+ to get a private room in someones home and 400-500 to get an entire house!

So, just by signing up to this website, I've got enough points to rent an entire villa, say in Thailand, with my own private pool for 3 or 4 nights. For ten minutes of signing up and a little google work, I can stay in a villa for free. This website is still in it's infancy so this wont last much longer. Get your points now while you still can.

A Thai Villa, the type you could stay in for free with this travel tip.

So let's say I've enjoyed my holiday in Thailand and I'm back down to zero points, what do I do now?

You have three options, all good.

1: Never visit the site again, you got a free holiday! Quit while you're ahead. A good option, but you can do better.

2: Rent out your own home, a room, a bed, a couch or a pitch in your garden and earn points by letting people stay with you. You can soon build up enough points for many more almost free holidays, and get to meet interesting people from all over the world.

3: If you have a messy house and don't want dirty travelers rifling round your stuff you can buy points! You can buy 200 points for about £6.68. That's one night in a private room for £6.68. What would a hotel room cost? The more points you buy the cheaper they get. The best value package is 3500 points for about £75.  (Prices are in Euros) That's enough points to rent a house for SEVEN NIGHTS!

That's ridiculously cheap. (In case you didn't realize) (You probably did)

Just in case you need some clarification, here's the video:

So if you're one of those people that've always liked the idea of house swapping, but live in a rubbish area or just can't get the house tidy enough, you need to join this website. Or if you like the idea of Couchsurfing but don't usually travel alone, join up! It's free!

Here's a link for you: Click Here! The link is embedded in this sentence!

Sign up and fill in all the forms, including listing your own home. Don't worry, you don't have to make it look attractive and If someone asks to stay, you can always say no if you're not comfortable.

This will give you over 1000 points.

Now add this Promo Code FOR 1000 EXTRA POINTS on Trampolinn: TRAMPOSKI (Working Promo code as of February 2015)

Well done.

PS: The links in the blog post are referral links, so you will give me 50 bonus points when you join. Despite this, I think this website is awesome and would have posted about it anyway.

I hope you join and happy traveling! 

Here's the link to Trampolinn once again for you. Click on this sentence.

The Fawlty Towers of China

Clearly this Ziyouren Theme Inn receptionist needs to take a course in customer relations.


Asking for directions.

(I've named the awful receptionist Basilette)

My Wife: Excuse me, which bus can we take to the Botanical Gardens?

Basilette: How is it possible you don't knoow how to get there? It's so easy! Are you stupid or what?

My Wife: Oh, thanks for your help.


The next day as I pass reception. In English this time.

Basilette:  Give me your number!

Me: Pardon.

Basilette: Number!!!

Me: I'm sorry, I'm just going out, is there a problem?

Basilette: You give me number now! (She was now shouting)

Me: 301

Basilette: What?

Me: I'm in room 301

Basilette: Phone number!

Me: Why?

Basilette: For contacting you.

Me: Why?

Basilette: No why. Give me.

Me: No why, no phone number.

The grumpy which scowled as I walked off ignoring her shouts.

The Ziyouren Theme Inn,Xiamen. Dirty rooms and rude staff, truly, the Fawlty Towers of China

Serious Travel Article 20: Xiamen Botanical Gardens

After the filth and broken glass of Xiaodeng Island, Fujian, Coco and I, with Parents-in-law in tow struggled back towards civilization. This meant busing it to Xiamen.

For those of you that don't know about Xiamen (formerly Amoy), it's a bizarre anomaly, just off the south east coast of China. Situated on a not so small, round island is a city unique in China. It's nice. I've visited dozens of Chinese cities and not enjoyed being in any of them. Most are overcrowded, polluted, busy Beijing/Sim City crammed with expensive cars and people glued to screens. (Just like you right now!). Xiamen conversely of more like if all the great things about China made a little baby with Australia. It's on a green happy island surrounded by wide golden beaches, it's clean, hot, busy in an enjoyable way rather than overwhelming, it's dotted with parks, mountains, forests and green spaces. Mango juice runs like flowing water and the Republic of China (Taiwan's Jinmen) is only a stones throw away. It also has black swans and red dirt.

Black Swans in Xiamen

Sitting in the mountains overlooking Xiamen University and Xiamen's South East shore Xiamen Botanical Gardens is one of Xiamen's prime tourist attractions.  Coco asked the hostel receptionist how to get there and recieved the following reply.

"How is it possible you don't know how to get there? Are you stupid or what?"

Being only our second day in Xiamen it was hardly Coco's fault she didn't know where the bus stop was. I guess in her job as a hostel receptionist, our lady didn't run into many tourists. I repeated the question in my strict lecturer tone (only ever used on arseholes) and got a straight answer. 

The bus sped along the scenic coast road and up into the forested hills, twisting and turning along the wilderness highway. It wasn't long before it felt like you were no longer in a city but a tropical jungle. After around 7 minutes and 16.3 seconds of driving through the forest, we were dumped, alone, outside the East Gate of the Botanical Gardens.  My parents in law discovered, to their horror that the gardens were not free! It cost 40rmb for entry! Less for students and pensioners but still! After much argument, they decided it was too expensive and would rather waste the day by sitting on the hotel bed and watching TV. Not for the first time on the trip. You can lead a horse to water.....

The footbridge just outside the east gate of Xiamen Botanical Gardens

I got in with my Swansea University student card (still valid thanks to a missing expiry date), Coco performed a similar trick and we were on our way. Once we were through the east gate, we found out that the park itself was still an hours walk away. It was hot and sweaty. We'd come to tropical Xiamen in the middle of summer against all wisdom. The journey was steep and exhausting, but worth it because we were treated to a hike through the forest, overlooking some of Xiamen's most stunning stretches of coastline. Our path crossed gorges, went past lakes, was crossed by spiders webs and perched itself at the edge of cliffs. By the time we reached the beginning of the Botanical Gardens, we were knackered.

Coco Wang checking out the view on the way to Xiamen Botanical Gardens from the East Gate

I come from west London, and I've spent many a school trip and odd afternoon at Kew Gardens but I've also been pretty bored there. Xiamen Botanical Gardens isn't like Kew, it's better. It's bigger for one point, at least it feels bigger, the whole thing is snuggled in between the hills, it's a hike from one location to the next, it feels like your trecking through the green Aussie bush. We skipped the war exhibit and headed straight for the desert zone. We got lost on the way, and found ourselves walking through a zigzagging tunnel of foliage.

When we did find the desert zone, it was a vast wasteland of cacti, with a huge glasshouse at its far edge. It was filled with interesting desert flora, and even had a plastic camel which you could take your photo with if you could elbow your way past the crowd of excited tourists.

The desert zone of the Xiamen Botanical Gardens, as shown here by Coco Wang

Behind the glass house was a steep slope leading up. My kind of path. I rushed to the top, scrambling over rock faces to find myself alone at the top of one of Dongping Mountain's many peaks with a 360 degree panoramic view of Xiamen City. It's worth a trip to Xiamen Botanical Gardens just to climb the mountain behind the desert zone.

The city of Xiamen from Dongping Mountain

On the way to the tropical area we got lost again but this time found an unused, high pressure hose near a little Taoist grotto. We put all our electronics in a plastic bag and squirted ourselves silly. At the bottom of the hill was a working Buddhist monastery. It was well past lunchtime and I was hungry, many of the monks at the monastery were eating in a canteen area, I rushed over to buy some food, but I was told it was for the monks only. Feeling embarrassed, I bought some ice creams from the tourist kiosk and shared them with Coco. We toured the magnificent monastery, overlooking the city ice creams in hand before trying once more to find the rainforest zone.

Hundreds of Buddhist statues outside the monastery 

On the way back up the hill we once more refreshed ourselves with the high pressure hose, but this time received some discerning looks from passers by. The tropical zone was in a small valley with a river running down the center, dammed as it cascaded down causing pools to form on each level up. In the pools were stepping stones crisscrossing the water. Water Lillie's covered much of the surface, and one came up right next to the stepping stone path. It was half complete, unlike all the other perfect circles. It was as if it has been torn apart. Just then a lady stopped at the half Lilly pad, squatted down, tore off a little bit and wandered on. I guess that was why. Didn't their mother ever tell them "don't do that, there wouldn't be any _____ left if everyone did that!"

Stepping Stones in Xiamen Botanical Garden's Tropical Zone

Judging by Coco's mum who used the Yellow River as a giant dump on our visit there, I guess many mums would encourage that sort of mindless, selfish, short sighted, destructive, uncivilized behavior. In fact the Chinese government has been spending huge amounts of money and advertising space trying to promote the "civilized society", and going by a growing minority of my university students, its working. They seem disgusted when one of their classmates blows their nose on the classroom floor.

When I saw a kid killing all the animals and destroying all the foliage with his parents looking on and laughing, in the tropical zone, we decided to call it a day, but not before I loudly shouted "Disgusting Kidd" in English at the offenders. They clearly understood and stopped him immediately.

We walked down to the lake at the foot of the gardens and posed with Deng Xiaoping's tree. By then, Coco and I had been walking all morning and through the hottest part of the afternoon, covering a distance of over 10km (to give you an idea of just how big Xiamen Botanical Gardens really is). Even though there was so much more we hadn't seen, we left the gardens to put are feet up in a McDonald's on Zhongshan Lu. (Don't worry we didn't buy anything, in China, McDonald's and KFC's are used frequently as public resting areas).

Sammy Corfield standing next to Deng Xiaoping's tree in Xiamen Botanical Gardens. Yes, I know I just referred to myself in 3rd person, it's for Google related reasons okay!

The Xiamen Botanical Gardens is a treasure on an already magical island. Visiting wont make you miss for 40rmb. It's better than slobbing out in a hotel room, watching Jeremy Clarkson on top gear. (What my parents in law were watching when we got back).

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To begin, you must already have vast wealth to put in a bank account.

It seemed too good to be true didn't it? Oh well, back to work for you! But why not check out the rest of my Travel Blog for fascinating insights about traveling the world! Real insights, not like this silly article!

Here's my list of serious travel articles! I promise you wont regret it!

Serious Travel Article 19: From Zhengzhou to Qingdao on the slow sleeper train. Part 2

This is part 2! For part 1, please click here: Qingdao Part 1 

Coco (my girlfriend) and I arrived at the station after work. Class at Zhengzhou NDI (New Dynamic Institute) finished at 8pm, the train departed at 10. With only three clear days off, we had to maximize travel time. That also meant work started an two hours after the train was due to arrive upon our return.

But that wasn't for four days. An eternity away. Since coming to China I'd been stuck at NDI, with no possibility of travel, so I was excited. The journey started the moment we set foot on the train.

The Smog of Zhengzhou.

Chaos engulfed the sleeper carriage with people jostling for position and shoving limitless baggage into limited space. Somehow everything calmed after around ten minutes after leaving Zhengzhou, the luggage was still and the passengers were busy munching. Chinese train travel is an excuse for a feast.

I asked a fellow traveler why the Chinese ate so much on train journeys. He looked surprised.

"We don't eat a lot on trains", he muttered, almost defensively.

I pointed out the ongoing banquet all around us.

"Oh, I didn't notice, it's normal."

The conversation went on. The closest I got to an answer was, "what else would you do on a train?"

Coco and I climbed up to our top bunks, high above the feast. It felt enclosed and away from the bustling carriage. We fell asleep in our gently shafting private room.

The view from the top bunk in hard sleeper class, China. Image courtesy of travel photo report. I'm using some third party images today as my two hard drives broke. At the same time! Would you bloody believe it!

I woke up an hour before we were due to arrive. I could see factories, highways and tower blocks out of the window. It was the industrial Qingdao I'd feared. Kilometers of toxic manufacturing polluting the sea and sky. And this was still far from the city proper. I felt nothing but dread.

The urban nightmare continued until just before Qingdao station. The station itself however was a cheerful colonial gift from the Germans. As it happens, central Qingdao is littered with fun and cheerful gifts from the old bugger himself, Kaiser Wilhelm II. From old European style terraced housing to a grand Neo Romanesque Cathedral. Considering the Germans only remained in Qingdao for 16 years, the legacy they left behind is remarkable.

Qingdao Railway Station, a gift from the Germans.

We made our way from the city center to our hostel, a strange little place with big white fluffy dogs, housed in an old disused observatory. It sat atop sea hill, next to a little park. As I sat and took in the view of the city I was amazed at how small the city was. According to Wikipedia, Qingdo had an urban population of almost six million. Where were they all? What lay before me wasn't the center of a world beating mega city, but a quaint, sino-germanic sea side town, with a modest cluster of skyscrapers. China has villages with more towers. Clearly the real city was off somewhere else, and that was fine by me, I was happy in the old town center, thoughtfully set aside for tourists by the city government. I had no intention of leaving this pleasant relic.

We dumped our bags in the hotel room and shot down onto the the coast road, riding the bus. From the bus, you could see the city divided into geographical quadrants, each quadrant was bordered by a seemingly impenetrable mess of forest upon steep rocky slopes. The peaks gradually building up. Higher and higher towards Laoshan, with city between each one. Our hostel was atop the smallest and first of these peaks. All these foothills made the city seem smaller, it was as if the city finished at the peak, making you feel comfortable and snug in an otherwise unfathomably gargantuan metropolis. 

Parks and forested hills compartmentalize Qingdao into manageable sections. As Coco demonstrates.

From the coastal bus, you could see the southern shore of Qingdao city was dotted with little coves, most of which sheltered a beach, with golden sands and few people. The hot sun made the blue water sparkle. With all the greenery, the German villas, blue sky and forested mountain ranges, it was easy to forget you were in industrial northern China. But this was a great day, the wind was blowing from the east, blowing away all the toxic smog back inland, leaving coastal dwellers with uninterrupted blue skies and fresh clean sea air.


The bus however was not air-conditioned, it was crowded and sweaty. Coco and I spotted a cove with a long golden beach and decided to get off and get in. Crossing the road and accessing the beach proved confusing. we resorted to the human shield tactic to cross the road but once across found ourselves in a bewildering underground concrete labyrinth. It resembled a secure secret nuclear facility, safe from enemy radar, or at least, I thought it probably did. The only difference between it and my imaginary nuclear lab was all the empty shop spaces making everything look monotonous. Only one shop was fitted out, a restaurant, serving, cheap, hearty but probably awful food. A Chinese version of one of those greasy spoons serving all day full English breakfasts on the Costa Del Sol.

The number 1 bathing beach, Qingdao

We found our way out of the the concrete maze and emerged on the beach. It was a hot Chinese April day. The blazing sun beat down hard on the beach. In the shade the temperature was 37c, but there was no shade on this beach. This being April, the sandy shore was deserted. The Chinese are stubborn, habitual people who cling to their traditional seasonal beliefs and rituals. In June, July and August the beaches are rammed because that's summer, summer is hot and that's when you go swimming at the beach. March, April and May are Spring, that's time for going to the park, climbing mountains and going sightseeing, Especially May, never travel in China around Mayday. It didn't matter that it was baking hot, April, was not an appropriate month for swimming. In fact, it's slightly more complex than I'm making out. The Chinese traditional calender is lunar, not solar, so the seasons are based on the lunar calender, for that reason I was once told I was crazy for wearing shorts in late August, as it was now Autumn and I was risking catching a cold by doing so.

Note: If you travel to northern or central China in March, the weather can be variable, it could be 35c one day and 15c the next. Clearly on a hot day, you'd dress comfortably, but prepare yourself. Everyone else will still be in hats, gloves, coats and thermals, because it's March. No matter the temperature. It's worth a trip to China just to observe.

Wrap up warm in March and April, no matter how hot it is!

Back to Qingdao:

The beach was so scorching that we threw traditional Chinese seasonal caution to the wind and sploshed into the sea. It was cool and refreshing on a hot day. Coco and I spent the next few hours bobbing on the wavelets and enjoying being.

Coco in the Sea in Qingdao.

As the sun stepped off its midday podium, we regrew our land legs and headed back to the old town center to explore. We headed down from our little hill, down steep narrow alleyways which reminded me of those in Kefalonia and past the exceedingly Germanic looking St Michael's Cathedral which sits at the edge of the old town center and onto Zhongshan Lu. In Xiamen, Zhongshan Lu  is an impressive monument to the bloodsport of shopping. In Qingdao, it is not. Zhongshan Lu is just winding land, sided by tourist tat outlets and the same generic brands you might find down any other street in China. Not worth visiting but the the rows of old terraced housing adjacent to Zhongshan Lu that could make an old Brit a little homesick.

Beyond Zhongshan Lu are a series of alleyways and piazzas dedicated to seafood. Stalls, cafes, restaurants and funny old traders sold a whopping variety of dead, and soon to be dead, marine life. As Coco fulfilled her wildest, most indulgent seafood desires, I grabbed a whirly ice cream and a large fries from the McDonald's and met Coco back in seafood land. Coco told me the seafood wasn't that great, it looked better than it tasted. I was just happy dipping my extra salty fried in my whirly plain vanilla ice cream. (I dare you to try it).

A strange German Tower at the top of an Alleyway in Central Qingdao

After dinner we ambled down to the waterfront, drinking a Tsingtao (Romanised Mandarin for Qingdao) (Thank god for Pinyin!) along the way. Another one of Germany's little presents for Qingdao was the Germania Brewery which later became known as Tsingtao. No wonder Chinese lager tastes so good, they learned from the Germans!

(Rant: Please Ignore)
I wont be happy until Carling, Carlsberg, Budwiser, Stella Artois, Fosters and all those other rubbish mass produced cheap lager companies are bankrupted by Tsingtao, Snow, Harbin, NAALE, Cheerday and Kingstar. The Chinese know a thing or two on how to mass produce cheap beer and keep it tasting good.
(Rant over: Thank you for Ignoring)

We sat down on the promenade and looked out at the dark horizon, and the twinkling lights of ships shifting across the black ocean. Then we noticed something odd. Every two or three minutes a herd of tourists would rush past as the followed a tour guide with a certain coloured flag. The tourists would all have matching hats the same colour as the flag. We say blue groups, red, green, purple, yellow and pink. They seemed tired and were always in a hurry. We asked one lady where she was from and how long they were staying in Qingdao.

Qingdao at night

She said she was in Qingdao for only one day, then onto Yantai, Weihai, Weifang and Jinan before being transported back to Sichuan with the rest of her coach tour. It sounded exhausting, all that sightseeing. You'd probably need a holiday after all that. She wasn't amused when I said that.

Before we knew it, our time in Qingdao was at an end, we piled back on the chaotic train and this time took food for the banquet. Cherries, lychees, red bean pancakes and crisps. We left Qingdao refreshed despite only being there for three days, my only regret is that we didn't have time to climb Laoshan.

Despite my prejudice, I enjoyed my time in Qingdao and want to return one day. Don't be put off by the colossal metropolis. Qingdao is the perfect Chinese beach break, just not in the summer.

For Part 1: Click Here: Zhengzhou to Qingdao on the Slow Sleeper train Part 1