 |
| Travelling can be a very lonely business. |
Video of the Day: Joyce Conner's Advice for a Christmas for One!
As many travellers know, Christmas can be a pretty lonely time of year. Last year I was unfortunate enough to spend Christmas by myself. Here's a video for all those RTW travellers who'll be by themselves for Christmas this year.
It was made by my good friend Joyce Conner, who, unfortunately tried to kill herself late last year. She's recovering well but she wants nothing more than to off herself, lets wish her the best of luck!
Travel Tip of the Day: How to cross the road in Chaotic Countries
One of the aspects of Chinese life which stuck me as terrifying not too long ago was crossing the road. Don't get me wrong, China is undoubtedly one of the most over organized countries in the world. It's level of meaningless bureaucracy is beyond the wildest dreams of most Whitehall bureaucrats, but its roads reflect a rather different reality.
The volume of traffic is vast, and often, unpenetrable. A single pedestrian will often find himself standing bravely against a stampede of trucks, buses, cars, Mian Bao Ches (Bread Car (Van in English)) and E-Bikes if hes not too careful.
The traffic is also unpredictable with drivers always happy to drive on the wrong side of the road, on the pavement, drunk, too fast, without looking were they are going, or, more often than not, all of the above.
So, to help you, here is my handy guide to Crossing the road in countries of "organized chaos", I call it,
Sammy's Generic Crossing the Road in Dangerous Countries like China and India (not that I've ever been to India) Guide:
Tip Number 1:
Only Cross the road if necessary. Pretty obvious right? Not here in China! You would be amazed at how many people die crossing the road under a pedestrian bridge or tunnel! Idiots!
Tip Number 2:
Safety in Numbers! You'll be amazed at how many cars will screech to a halt if they see a crowd of 15 or twenty people blindly step out in front of them! This is good as a last resort, and usually it takes about 10 or 15 minutes to gather enough people to invade the road by force.
Tip Number 3:
Always use human shields. While the use of human shields may be banned as a war crime, in times of peace, it can legitimately be used as a way to cross the road. Just make sure there are always other people between you and oncoming traffic. When you get to the middle of the road, simply swap positions and use them again. Better them than you, right?
Note, keep a look out for cars and trucks on the wrong side of the road, they can seriously hinder the "human shield" technique, which could make you late for your court date in The Hague.
Tip Number 4:
Look out for E-Bikes! These guys are nuts! They can't drive, they don't look where they're going and they blame you when they crash into you!
Tip Number 5:
Don't video yourself like this idiot did (Note: I've done this many times, it really shocks friends and family back home!)
Congratulations, you're now ready to put your life on the line trying to cross the road in some exotic and disorganized nation. Good luck!!
The volume of traffic is vast, and often, unpenetrable. A single pedestrian will often find himself standing bravely against a stampede of trucks, buses, cars, Mian Bao Ches (Bread Car (Van in English)) and E-Bikes if hes not too careful.
The traffic is also unpredictable with drivers always happy to drive on the wrong side of the road, on the pavement, drunk, too fast, without looking were they are going, or, more often than not, all of the above.
So, to help you, here is my handy guide to Crossing the road in countries of "organized chaos", I call it,
Sammy's Generic Crossing the Road in Dangerous Countries like China and India (not that I've ever been to India) Guide:
Tip Number 1:
Only Cross the road if necessary. Pretty obvious right? Not here in China! You would be amazed at how many people die crossing the road under a pedestrian bridge or tunnel! Idiots!
 | ||
| China has invested millions in cool looking footbridges for pedestrians, but you'll be amazed at how many people still get splatted because they cant be bothered to climb up the steps! |
Tip Number 2:
Safety in Numbers! You'll be amazed at how many cars will screech to a halt if they see a crowd of 15 or twenty people blindly step out in front of them! This is good as a last resort, and usually it takes about 10 or 15 minutes to gather enough people to invade the road by force.
 |
| Chinese Ducks often use the safety in numbers technique to safely cross the road! |
Tip Number 3:
Always use human shields. While the use of human shields may be banned as a war crime, in times of peace, it can legitimately be used as a way to cross the road. Just make sure there are always other people between you and oncoming traffic. When you get to the middle of the road, simply swap positions and use them again. Better them than you, right?
Note, keep a look out for cars and trucks on the wrong side of the road, they can seriously hinder the "human shield" technique, which could make you late for your court date in The Hague.
 |
| Militant Islamists have also been know to use human shields to cross the road. A wise decision! |
Tip Number 4:
Look out for E-Bikes! These guys are nuts! They can't drive, they don't look where they're going and they blame you when they crash into you!
 |
| E Bikes are the most dangerous vehicles in China |
Tip Number 5:
Don't video yourself like this idiot did (Note: I've done this many times, it really shocks friends and family back home!)
Congratulations, you're now ready to put your life on the line trying to cross the road in some exotic and disorganized nation. Good luck!!
Finding a Job Placement Teaching English in China: Part 3
I awoke in a lovely little hotel room in China, and happily snaked on the crisps and bananas I'd bought in the local supermarket the night before. It was my first morning in China and I was bursting with excitement. The Sun was shining and my body, unused to the Chinese clocks had woken me up at 6:30am. Great! I thought to myself, 3 hours to explore before Carol (If you don't know who she is please read part 2) would come to wake me up and take me to NDI, my new place of work.
Walking around Zhengzhou, I got the impression that this was a great dirty bustling metropolis, towerblocks as far as the eye could see (which evidently wasn't very far). The streets where wide with glass colossuses tempting passers by into their expensive looking luxury stores. Next to the modern apartment buildings and shopping malls where excessively large building sites, the kind of which are unheard of in Europe or the "Developed" world. Next to which were the old, Maoist 7 storey blocks which still dominate China, slowly waiting to be demolished. After an hour of walking I bought some tasty looking street food through gestures. A big pot of fried noodles, as it turned out, far too much for me, I brought the leftovers back to my hotel with me.
When Carol came to find me at my hotel, out of politeness, I offered her a banana.
"How did you get zose!" She Barked,
"I bought them", (Well I'm not going to steal them am I?) I thought to myself.
"But you a foreigner!" She Shouted, expecting some sort of apology from me.
"Sorry, I am not allowed bananas?"
"If you wanted food you should have asked me!"
"Why?", I couldn’t wait for her explanation.
"You a foreigner, you can get lost! You don't speak Chinese, Chinese people like trick foreigners, you are stupid!", she frantically explained.
"Oh dear, am I? What should I do then?", I said whilst rolling my eyes.
"You call me, you let me handle it! Where did you get zose bananas?"
I thought to myself, I managed to get from London to Zhengzhou and find you with no problems, in the process running the gauntlet across this sprawling chaotic city, and now I'm a foreign idiot too stupid to buy stuff, how did that happen?
"The Supermarket of Course!" I hastily replied.
"How you find supermarket!!?!?!?" She screamed in a fit of utter confusion.
Good Grief I thought to myself, does she seriously think that all foreigners are morons? "There's a big sign saying Walmart", It dosen't take a bloody rocket scientist does it?
"But you a foreigner!", She kindly reminded me.
"Yep", I sighed, growing weary of the conversation.
She continued to lecture me in her broken English on how foreigners are too stupid to operate in China, but being to exhausted to argue with her insulting ignorance, I drifted off into a daydream.
After Carol had tired of insulting me, she guided me to what would be my place of work for the next year, the New Dynamic Institute (or NDI for short), a very expensive English language training school at the heart of Zhengzhou. As it turned out, NDI was on the third floor of Da Shanghai, a gigantic modern shopping centre at the centre of Zhengzhou which I had mistaken for a stadium due to its gigantic dome. As we made our way through the school, I was astonished at how empty the place was. I was then lead upstairs to the staffroom where I was introduced to three of the other teachers, all sitting vacantly, twiddling their thumbs. One of the teachers I recognized as Alice, the woman who interviewed me 4 months prior ("Sorry, the official we used to bribe has moved to New York so we have to do your visa the slow way").
I said "Hello, pleased to meet you" (What else would you say?)
She replied "Hello Sam, You wery hansume!" while undressing me with her eyes.
I found it a little unnerving to be checked out by a rather plump, over made up, middle aged Chinese woman so I started talking to the other two. Their anglicized names were Helen, a quiet young lady who mainly kept to herself, and Nikki, a rather loud and brash young woman with an incredibly wide face, so much so it made her look rather like a rugby ball. They both seemed nice enough, they told me about the school, the city, the job and themselves, all the while, a still gobsmacked Carol was retelling the incredible story of how a foreigner bought Bananas in Supermarket to a now equally surprised Alice!
Alice Inturrupted my conversation with Helen and Nikki by saying,
"Oh Sam, you are wery clewer!"
"Am I?" I replied indifferently.
"You buy food by yourself!?"
"Yep"
"But you are in China now!", she confided in me, (Is that supposed to make a difference?)
"Apparently", I sneered in a fawltyesque manner.
"So if you need sing to tell me and we let you to do what, ok?"
Pardon, I thought to myself, but I thought it best just to nod in agreement. "OK!"
After Alice wandered off to bother some other poor soul, I asked Helen and Nikki what on Earth just happened, they told me to get used to Alice and Carol, they were always like that.
So that's my story, finding a job teaching English in China is easy. Native English speakers are like gold dust out there, Don't pay an agency to go to China, EVER, they should be paying you! Get a TEFL certificate to double your salary. Find a way to pass the time while you're waiting for your visa and for the love of Mao, don't expect to have a normal human relationship with your coworkers. To them, you are a foreigner, not a person, a commodity to be used, too stupid to look after yourself.
It makes me wonder how in the world I managed to survive 22 years, travelling to 23 countries without a superior, arrogant, insulting, shamelessly racist idiot like Alice or Carol telling me how to buy bananas in a supermarket. Thank god the Chinese aren’t all like this, but there certainly seems to be a lot of them!
Walking around Zhengzhou, I got the impression that this was a great dirty bustling metropolis, towerblocks as far as the eye could see (which evidently wasn't very far). The streets where wide with glass colossuses tempting passers by into their expensive looking luxury stores. Next to the modern apartment buildings and shopping malls where excessively large building sites, the kind of which are unheard of in Europe or the "Developed" world. Next to which were the old, Maoist 7 storey blocks which still dominate China, slowly waiting to be demolished. After an hour of walking I bought some tasty looking street food through gestures. A big pot of fried noodles, as it turned out, far too much for me, I brought the leftovers back to my hotel with me.
 |
| The Seemingly Endless Tower Blocks of Zhengzhou |
When Carol came to find me at my hotel, out of politeness, I offered her a banana.
"How did you get zose!" She Barked,
"I bought them", (Well I'm not going to steal them am I?) I thought to myself.
"But you a foreigner!" She Shouted, expecting some sort of apology from me.
"Sorry, I am not allowed bananas?"
"If you wanted food you should have asked me!"
"Why?", I couldn’t wait for her explanation.
"You a foreigner, you can get lost! You don't speak Chinese, Chinese people like trick foreigners, you are stupid!", she frantically explained.
"Oh dear, am I? What should I do then?", I said whilst rolling my eyes.
"You call me, you let me handle it! Where did you get zose bananas?"
I thought to myself, I managed to get from London to Zhengzhou and find you with no problems, in the process running the gauntlet across this sprawling chaotic city, and now I'm a foreign idiot too stupid to buy stuff, how did that happen?
 |
| Very Weird Looking Manikins in the Kid's Clothing Section of Zhengzhou, Erqi, Walmart. The Supermarket in which I bought the fateful Bananas. |
"The Supermarket of Course!" I hastily replied.
"How you find supermarket!!?!?!?" She screamed in a fit of utter confusion.
Good Grief I thought to myself, does she seriously think that all foreigners are morons? "There's a big sign saying Walmart", It dosen't take a bloody rocket scientist does it?
"But you a foreigner!", She kindly reminded me.
"Yep", I sighed, growing weary of the conversation.
She continued to lecture me in her broken English on how foreigners are too stupid to operate in China, but being to exhausted to argue with her insulting ignorance, I drifted off into a daydream.
After Carol had tired of insulting me, she guided me to what would be my place of work for the next year, the New Dynamic Institute (or NDI for short), a very expensive English language training school at the heart of Zhengzhou. As it turned out, NDI was on the third floor of Da Shanghai, a gigantic modern shopping centre at the centre of Zhengzhou which I had mistaken for a stadium due to its gigantic dome. As we made our way through the school, I was astonished at how empty the place was. I was then lead upstairs to the staffroom where I was introduced to three of the other teachers, all sitting vacantly, twiddling their thumbs. One of the teachers I recognized as Alice, the woman who interviewed me 4 months prior ("Sorry, the official we used to bribe has moved to New York so we have to do your visa the slow way").
 |
| The Centre of Zhengzhou, with the Mysterious Dome of Da Shanghai (The Grand Shanghai Shopping Mall) at the bottom of the picture. |
I said "Hello, pleased to meet you" (What else would you say?)
She replied "Hello Sam, You wery hansume!" while undressing me with her eyes.
I found it a little unnerving to be checked out by a rather plump, over made up, middle aged Chinese woman so I started talking to the other two. Their anglicized names were Helen, a quiet young lady who mainly kept to herself, and Nikki, a rather loud and brash young woman with an incredibly wide face, so much so it made her look rather like a rugby ball. They both seemed nice enough, they told me about the school, the city, the job and themselves, all the while, a still gobsmacked Carol was retelling the incredible story of how a foreigner bought Bananas in Supermarket to a now equally surprised Alice!
Alice Inturrupted my conversation with Helen and Nikki by saying,
"Oh Sam, you are wery clewer!"
"Am I?" I replied indifferently.
"You buy food by yourself!?"
"Yep"
"But you are in China now!", she confided in me, (Is that supposed to make a difference?)
"Apparently", I sneered in a fawltyesque manner.
"So if you need sing to tell me and we let you to do what, ok?"
Pardon, I thought to myself, but I thought it best just to nod in agreement. "OK!"
After Alice wandered off to bother some other poor soul, I asked Helen and Nikki what on Earth just happened, they told me to get used to Alice and Carol, they were always like that.
 |
| Before going to China, make sure you're going to a nice city. Qingdao (Pictured) is a lot nicer than Zhengzhou! |
So that's my story, finding a job teaching English in China is easy. Native English speakers are like gold dust out there, Don't pay an agency to go to China, EVER, they should be paying you! Get a TEFL certificate to double your salary. Find a way to pass the time while you're waiting for your visa and for the love of Mao, don't expect to have a normal human relationship with your coworkers. To them, you are a foreigner, not a person, a commodity to be used, too stupid to look after yourself.
It makes me wonder how in the world I managed to survive 22 years, travelling to 23 countries without a superior, arrogant, insulting, shamelessly racist idiot like Alice or Carol telling me how to buy bananas in a supermarket. Thank god the Chinese aren’t all like this, but there certainly seems to be a lot of them!
Finding a Placement Teaching English in China: My Experience with NDI (Part 2)
Part 2:
(Apologies for the delay)
I was told by Alice, the "headteacher" at Zhengzhou's branch of the New Dynamic Institute (NDI) that somebody called Carol would meet me at the Airport, but just in case "something went wrong", I was given Carol's number. "What could go wrong", I naively thought to myself, while on my KLM from Amsterdam to Beijing, planes are usually pretty reliable and how hard can it be to get to the airport?
I realised almost immidiatley that I was still in European mode, expecting efficiency, expecting smooth sailing and counting on organisation when I should have been lowering my standards to meet the Chinese way. Now despite lowering my expectations, nothing could have prepared me for the chaos that was Beijing Capital Airport. During my 2 hour transfer, I was told to queue to leave the airport, then queue to get back in again, almost missing my flight in the process. The Experience made me sure that the baggage handlers in Beijing would lose my suitcase.
My cynicism was to be proven right at Zhengzhou airport when an attendant from China Southern Airlines guided me away from the luggage carousel half an hour after all the other passengers had left with their luggage in tow.
"Come me", She said,
I followed knowing full well what she meant. She lead me into a funny little office where she asked me if I knew anyone in Zhengzhou. I gave her Carol's number and she rang it. The two spoke for five minuted before the attendant handed the phone to me. I was told by my new colleague that my luggage was in Beijing and I could collect it in a few days. Meanwhile, I should get the bus to Zhengzhou City Centre.
"I thought your were supposed to meet me at the airport"
"No", she unequivocally replied,
"But Alice told me that you were suppos.."
She interrupted me mid-sentence "Alice didn’t say that, you take bus",
I was starving, weary and in no mood for an argument.
"Which Bus?"
"Shuttle Bus, then 37 west until you get to Renmin Lu"
"Pardon?"
She repeated herself and I wrote her instructions in my notebook, so much for a nice easy airport pickup like the website had boasted.
The attendant helped my buy a ticket for the Zhengzhou Airport Shuttle Bus and somehow I navigated my way to the Renmin Lu stop of the number 37 bus with the help of some very broken Mandarin but I wasn't complaining, I enjoyed the adventure.
Carol was waiting for me at the bus stop and I was escorted to my expensive little hotel (foreigners are thought of as rich in China). She then wandered off as quickly as she had appeared and I was once again by myself. Before I went to sleep, I popped down to the local supermarket to buy some bananas, water and crisps as the journey had left me needing sustenance.
That night I slept like a baby, dreaming of what my new life in China might bring.
End of part 2.
(I promise part 3 will come soon!) (And I'm pretty sure part 3 will be far more interesting, part 2 was rubbish)
(Apologies for the delay)
I was told by Alice, the "headteacher" at Zhengzhou's branch of the New Dynamic Institute (NDI) that somebody called Carol would meet me at the Airport, but just in case "something went wrong", I was given Carol's number. "What could go wrong", I naively thought to myself, while on my KLM from Amsterdam to Beijing, planes are usually pretty reliable and how hard can it be to get to the airport?
I realised almost immidiatley that I was still in European mode, expecting efficiency, expecting smooth sailing and counting on organisation when I should have been lowering my standards to meet the Chinese way. Now despite lowering my expectations, nothing could have prepared me for the chaos that was Beijing Capital Airport. During my 2 hour transfer, I was told to queue to leave the airport, then queue to get back in again, almost missing my flight in the process. The Experience made me sure that the baggage handlers in Beijing would lose my suitcase.
 |
| Beijing Capital Airport, The Hub of Nightmares |
My cynicism was to be proven right at Zhengzhou airport when an attendant from China Southern Airlines guided me away from the luggage carousel half an hour after all the other passengers had left with their luggage in tow.
"Come me", She said,
I followed knowing full well what she meant. She lead me into a funny little office where she asked me if I knew anyone in Zhengzhou. I gave her Carol's number and she rang it. The two spoke for five minuted before the attendant handed the phone to me. I was told by my new colleague that my luggage was in Beijing and I could collect it in a few days. Meanwhile, I should get the bus to Zhengzhou City Centre.
 |
| I had to navigate myself around Zhengzhou City to find my only contact in China |
"I thought your were supposed to meet me at the airport"
"No", she unequivocally replied,
"But Alice told me that you were suppos.."
She interrupted me mid-sentence "Alice didn’t say that, you take bus",
I was starving, weary and in no mood for an argument.
"Which Bus?"
"Shuttle Bus, then 37 west until you get to Renmin Lu"
"Pardon?"
She repeated herself and I wrote her instructions in my notebook, so much for a nice easy airport pickup like the website had boasted.
The attendant helped my buy a ticket for the Zhengzhou Airport Shuttle Bus and somehow I navigated my way to the Renmin Lu stop of the number 37 bus with the help of some very broken Mandarin but I wasn't complaining, I enjoyed the adventure.
 |
| My Mandarin is Broken at best |
Carol was waiting for me at the bus stop and I was escorted to my expensive little hotel (foreigners are thought of as rich in China). She then wandered off as quickly as she had appeared and I was once again by myself. Before I went to sleep, I popped down to the local supermarket to buy some bananas, water and crisps as the journey had left me needing sustenance.
That night I slept like a baby, dreaming of what my new life in China might bring.
End of part 2.
(I promise part 3 will come soon!) (And I'm pretty sure part 3 will be far more interesting, part 2 was rubbish)
Very Quick Thought of the Day
I don't have much time, as, I do need a poo (I'm nothing if not honest). But before I do, I need to share this with you! Its a tool for anyone who wants to make their own generic travel blog! It's really fun and easy to use
http://paivisanteri.blogspot.de/2008/08/generic-travel-blog.html
Check it out!
http://paivisanteri.blogspot.de/2008/08/generic-travel-blog.html
Check it out!
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| This is what a generic travel blog should look like, mine is obviously far too interesting. |
Rant of the Day: Why the UK is a joke of a Country
Recently I have been acquainting myself with the British visa system for Chinese applicants. My girlfriend, unfortunately of Chinese birth, wishes to visit the UK.
"No Problem!" I thought, why don't you just get yourself a nice, easy, tourist visa?
"I can't, I don't know how!"
"No no worries" I said, "How hard could it be".
I googled "How to apply for a UK tourist visa" and managed to find the UK government website. So far so good! I scrolled through the options, visitor, general visitor, select a country, China.
"Where do I go now?"
"Urm,.......2 hours later..........oooooh, there we go finally"
"Why do they call it visa4uk, it sounds like a dodgy agency or a banned radical islamist group run by Anjem Chowdray." I thought to myself.
I filled out the endless forms, form after form after form after form. Most of which was formed of truly inappropriate questions....4
What is your fathers sexuality?
How much money does your 2nd Cousin Chou Jin Jin earn every month?
Are you an active member of a terrorist organization? Hmm, yes!
After 2 days of toil, finally I was finished! Congratulations! You are now able to book your appointment to go to our visa centre in Beijing! Aaaaaghghgh, that's a 10 hour train ride away! Why do you torture tourists trying to visit the UK?!?!?!?
So now I spend my time, collecting supporting documents, bank statements, parents bank statements, letters, Hukou, endless itineraries all to please my countries stupid visa system.
Dosen't anyone in the UK realize that rich Chinese people might want to come to the UK to spend thier hard earned money. No? OK then.
The UK visa system is a joke and if we don't fix it, the world will begin to realize that the UK is a joke of a country and go to France instead? Is that really what you want?
PS: The UK is not really a joke of a country, we just have a leadership system which inherently appoints professional politicians who in nearly all cases are the last people who ought to run a country. Didn’t Plato once say that those who crave power the most should be kept furthest from it?
"No Problem!" I thought, why don't you just get yourself a nice, easy, tourist visa?
"I can't, I don't know how!"
"No no worries" I said, "How hard could it be".
 |
| Map of the World Detailing how easy it is to get a UK visa. Blue shows the EU and friends, Green no visa required, red easy visa, brown super hard visa. Notice how a North Korean can get to the UK easier than a South African. |
I googled "How to apply for a UK tourist visa" and managed to find the UK government website. So far so good! I scrolled through the options, visitor, general visitor, select a country, China.
"Where do I go now?"
"Urm,.......2 hours later..........oooooh, there we go finally"
"Why do they call it visa4uk, it sounds like a dodgy agency or a banned radical islamist group run by Anjem Chowdray." I thought to myself.
I filled out the endless forms, form after form after form after form. Most of which was formed of truly inappropriate questions....4
What is your fathers sexuality?
How much money does your 2nd Cousin Chou Jin Jin earn every month?
Are you an active member of a terrorist organization? Hmm, yes!
After 2 days of toil, finally I was finished! Congratulations! You are now able to book your appointment to go to our visa centre in Beijing! Aaaaaghghgh, that's a 10 hour train ride away! Why do you torture tourists trying to visit the UK?!?!?!?
 |
| Chinese tourist visa applicants to western countries have to visit the beautiful capital city of Beijing. |
Dosen't anyone in the UK realize that rich Chinese people might want to come to the UK to spend thier hard earned money. No? OK then.
The UK visa system is a joke and if we don't fix it, the world will begin to realize that the UK is a joke of a country and go to France instead? Is that really what you want?
PS: The UK is not really a joke of a country, we just have a leadership system which inherently appoints professional politicians who in nearly all cases are the last people who ought to run a country. Didn’t Plato once say that those who crave power the most should be kept furthest from it?
The Best English Language Training School in Zhengzhou
After working as an ESL teacher at many companies in China (The New Dynamic Institute, Henan Agricultural University, Li Yang Crazy English ect), I have come to the decision that the best Training School for a foreign teacher to work at is Xuelite, or Quality Education in English.
Working for Xuelite is like a dream for a foreign teacher, the environment is friendly and relaxed, the students are amazing and a joy to teach, and the benefits are are in a league of their own. Best of all, Foreign teachers at Xuelite have lots of time to travel, to explore China which is probably the main reason most of us come to teach English in China anyway!
If you're interested in teaching English in China, check out the Quality Education website.
www.xuelite.com
The site is a little rubbish, but the school is the real deal!
 |
| The North Zhengzhou branch of Quality Education (Xuelite) with Company President Coco Wang in the foreground |
Working for Xuelite is like a dream for a foreign teacher, the environment is friendly and relaxed, the students are amazing and a joy to teach, and the benefits are are in a league of their own. Best of all, Foreign teachers at Xuelite have lots of time to travel, to explore China which is probably the main reason most of us come to teach English in China anyway!
If you're interested in teaching English in China, check out the Quality Education website.
www.xuelite.com
The site is a little rubbish, but the school is the real deal!
Statement of intent!
Recently, I have become very lazy. Despite getting a lot of hits in the last few months, my blog has become hopelessly bare! With the help of Kelly and Lee of http://global-goose.com/ I've realized how lacklustre my blogging really is! Starting today, I pledge to write at least 3 new blog posts every week, if I don't, we'll you can write a nasty comment on my blog, I'll just delete it, but my feeling will be hurt just the same!
Thank you for reading this delightfully pointless post, to reward you, above is a photograph accurately depicting George W. Bush eating a kitten! My next post will be about crossing the road!
P.S. I will be changing my blog layout to go together with my new blogging attitude and this will be my new background, even though I love my old one, blogger wont let me keep it!!
Goodbyte!
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| A funny photo of George W. Bush eating a defenceless little kitten. |
P.S. I will be changing my blog layout to go together with my new blogging attitude and this will be my new background, even though I love my old one, blogger wont let me keep it!!
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| The Fjords of Norway, I think, my new website background, I hope! |
Serious Travel Article 13: Lady Musgrave Island
Lady Musgrave island is a small coral cay, at the southernmost tip of the Great Barrier Reef. It is, without doubt, an unspoiled tropical paradise thanks to superbly strict visitor regulations courtesy of the Australian National Park System.
Lady Musgrave Island remains the picturesque vision of a remote coral Island thanks to massively restricted tourism. No more than 40 visitors can camp on the island at any one time, the waiting list is long, but, if you're patient, you too can experience the wonder and majesty of this magical island.
As I lay on the beach, recovering from the hellish trip that one has to endure to reach this tropical utopia, I wondered how on earth I would keep safe from the giant, biting centipedes with supposedly roamed this land. I had heard stories of campers being woken in the middle of the night to find their tent had been invaded by hordes of these giant insects, hungry for human flesh! Well, I may exaggerate a little, but these little beasts are notorious.
With my eyes peeled, I eventually summoned the strength to carry my supplies to the camping grounds and pitch my tent. Supposedly, the camping grounds revolve around the island, continually changing places to preserve the natural Eco-system and to help the baby (freshly hatched) turtles, who have a torrid time trying to avoid ravenous seagulls.
Any visitor to Lady Musgrave will notice the numerous signs warning against "interfering with nature". The Turtles of the Capricornia Cay's National Park were once hunted for their meat (to be used in soup), so I found the urge irresistible to help turtles get pass the deadly gulls as soon as I could. I figured humans screwed up the turtles chances of survival, what's wrong with giving them a helping hand?
Before plunging into the watery depths, I decided to explore Lady Musgrave's jungle. The Island has a thick canopy of Pisonia Trees which are inhabited by duck sized, black and white birds called White Capped Noddy Terns. All day and all night they squawk happily, but just 20ft below lies a Tern Graveyard. With no real predators on the island, the Terns which inevitably perish, the old, the lame, the stupid, rot on the ground below. Often I would see turns walking around on the ground unable to fly, they would just stare at me hopelessly, waiting to die.
Aside from all the grimness, the numerous buff banded rails which inhabit the island will delight any visitor by dashing around you, creeping up on you and running away as soon as you glance at them. You can have a lot of fun with a rail!
The waters around Lady Musgrave Island are spectacular. The coral reef teems with life, big and small and despite some coral damage from past cyclones, the diving here is much better than any you might find around Cairns or Port Douglas. Here you don't have to compete with hordes of tourists or pay through the nose, you can relax, and snorkel at your own pace, something with is impossible further north where companies take you Chinese Tour Guide style on 2 hour visits to maximize the efficiency of the conveyer belt. If you're lucky you'll see fully grown turtles glide in the lagoon, dolphins playing in the distance and sharks lurking in the shallows.
One evening as I was walking through the shallows (with a cut toe due to sharp coral) I was visited by a friendly, inquisitive shark. It was a 4 or 5 ft long reef shark, swimming masterfully in 1ft of water. As it got closer I could tell it was attracted by my blood, showing no fear, I kicked it square in the nose when it came too close. These sharks need to be told who's boss!
That night, the sky was electric with distant thunderstorms, and as the sun went down, the sky transformed into something which was indescribable. (But I'll try!) Distant lightning bolts lit up towering thunderclouds on the rim of the horizon, their brilliance reflected in the mirror like black sea. The stars came out in their tens of thousands and suddenly I felt I wasn't on Earth, with no reference points other than gigantic flickering lanterns, mighty but distant thunderbolts and a galaxy of stars perfectly reflected in the crystal clear sea, I was in the outer reaches of space, with stars above and below and with shimmering, violent but silent nebulae all around!
I stayed for 5 days, I wish it was 5 years!
The journey back was a lot smoother.
 |
| Lady Musgrave Island. Spectacular, Secluded, Idyllic. You get the Idea. |
As I lay on the beach, recovering from the hellish trip that one has to endure to reach this tropical utopia, I wondered how on earth I would keep safe from the giant, biting centipedes with supposedly roamed this land. I had heard stories of campers being woken in the middle of the night to find their tent had been invaded by hordes of these giant insects, hungry for human flesh! Well, I may exaggerate a little, but these little beasts are notorious.
With my eyes peeled, I eventually summoned the strength to carry my supplies to the camping grounds and pitch my tent. Supposedly, the camping grounds revolve around the island, continually changing places to preserve the natural Eco-system and to help the baby (freshly hatched) turtles, who have a torrid time trying to avoid ravenous seagulls.
 |
| Distinguished Artist, Pianist and Poet Alan Boarder, next to our Tent on Lady Musgrave Island, Great Barrier Reef |
Any visitor to Lady Musgrave will notice the numerous signs warning against "interfering with nature". The Turtles of the Capricornia Cay's National Park were once hunted for their meat (to be used in soup), so I found the urge irresistible to help turtles get pass the deadly gulls as soon as I could. I figured humans screwed up the turtles chances of survival, what's wrong with giving them a helping hand?
 |
| Me Holding a baby turtle which I had rescued from gulls on Lady Musgrave Island. The signs warn against it but the turtle didn’t seem to mind! |
Before plunging into the watery depths, I decided to explore Lady Musgrave's jungle. The Island has a thick canopy of Pisonia Trees which are inhabited by duck sized, black and white birds called White Capped Noddy Terns. All day and all night they squawk happily, but just 20ft below lies a Tern Graveyard. With no real predators on the island, the Terns which inevitably perish, the old, the lame, the stupid, rot on the ground below. Often I would see turns walking around on the ground unable to fly, they would just stare at me hopelessly, waiting to die.
 |
| A buff banded rail. Similar to a Chicken, they make a living from stealing food from campers |
 |
| Another Funny little bird you might see on Lady Musgrave Island |
One evening as I was walking through the shallows (with a cut toe due to sharp coral) I was visited by a friendly, inquisitive shark. It was a 4 or 5 ft long reef shark, swimming masterfully in 1ft of water. As it got closer I could tell it was attracted by my blood, showing no fear, I kicked it square in the nose when it came too close. These sharks need to be told who's boss!
 |
| Me Standing in Shallows of Lady Musgrave Island. The lack of people and vivid colours seem astounding after being in China for nine months. |
I stayed for 5 days, I wish it was 5 years!
The journey back was a lot smoother.
Serious Travel Article 12: The Town of 1770 and the journey to Lady Musgrave Island
It was a crisp April morning in the town of 1770, a small port town on Queensland's "discovery Coast", so named as this was reputedly Captain Cook's first Aussie landing point, his ship sheltering in its estuary in the year of 1770. On that morning 241 years later, I sat beside the same estuary with a feeling of dread. My gaze was transfixed upon "the spirit of 1770", a catamaran, moored in the calm and sheltered water which lies adjacent to the Town. At dawn the air was still but now the wind howled, churning the sea beneath it.
Before loading the luggage (1 tent, a few cameras, clothes, books, food and lots of water) I had taken some super strong anti seasickness tablets which by their own reckoning said "may cause severe hallucinations". Despite being excited about the prospect of visiting a tropical paradise, the hell of seasickness would come first.
A wise man once said, there are 2 stages of seasickness:
First stage (The OK one): When you think you're going to die.
Second Stage (The bad one): When you wish you would die!
I decided to sit on the top deck of the boat, with the sea breeze in my face and my eyes fixed on the horizon to minimize seasickness. But despite my best efforts, what came next was worse than anything I could have Imagined.
As we passed the headland and with it the sheltered water, the water grew deeper, darker and more sinister. The wind began to whistle and whirl. Cloud swept over the sky, transforming what has been a an endless sapphire into a great grey slab of concrete. The waves began to lash against the boat and as we changed direction, we smashed our way head on through the growing swell.
As the continent grew smaller the waves grew bigger, smashing the boat high into the air. I began to regret sitting on the top deck. With each wave passengers were sent hurtling high into the air. Sitting on a bench at the back of the ship (so that I had a clear view of the horizon) was a poor decision. Those of us at the back were flung more than most, we held onto the railings for dear life, each wave bigger than the last.
While my hands were locked into position like a vice holding on, my seasickness medicine began to take effect. In the sea I saw dolphins racing alongside our ship, they distracted me from the pounding the relentless crashing up and down was giving to my ass, from the pain in my hands and arms and from my inevitable stage 1 seasickness. Turtles then joined the dolphins, leaping out of the water and smiling at me. My palms became sweaty and my whole body began shaking but the sound of vomiting around me once again focused my attention onto the aquatic circus which was before my eyes. Before I knew it platypuses had joined the turtles and dolphins, then enormous floating jellyfish which looked like hot air balloons, then crabs, then for some reason dancing sausages. Out of nowhere came a man running full pelt across the sea, so fast that his feet stayed dry with the water tension. I looked at his face and saw it was me, my likeness waved at me and I smiled back. All the time my body was being pounded by the waves, the sickness was engulfing my body, I wanted to be sick but I couldn’t let go of the rail, my sweaty hands had no feeling left in them but I had to grip, otherwise I would surely go overboard into the unforgiving sea the way each wave sent me up into the air then crashing back down again. To distract myself from the morbidity of my situation I followed the likeness of myself until I saw a small Island in the distance, at which point, my wonderful, albeit hallucinatory friends vanished.
As we grew closer to the island, the waves lessened and the wind became a breeze. The boat moored at a day trip Great Barrier Reef pontoon. The passengers began snorkeling and those of us who were planning to stay on the Island long term disembarked, withered and shattered wrecks of people.
End of Part 1.......
 | ||
| The Spirit of 1770, docked at The Town of 1770, the only town in the world with a number for a name. |
 |
| A picture of me loading luggage into the hull of the Spirit of 1770. The hull is filled with water with the luggage stacked precariously on a platform with no sides. In bad weather your luggage WILL fall into the water despite what the crew say. Do Not put anything valuable or electronic down there. |
A wise man once said, there are 2 stages of seasickness:
First stage (The OK one): When you think you're going to die.
Second Stage (The bad one): When you wish you would die!
I decided to sit on the top deck of the boat, with the sea breeze in my face and my eyes fixed on the horizon to minimize seasickness. But despite my best efforts, what came next was worse than anything I could have Imagined.
 |
| The calm waters that surround the Town of 1770's headland. They give a sailor false hope. |
As we passed the headland and with it the sheltered water, the water grew deeper, darker and more sinister. The wind began to whistle and whirl. Cloud swept over the sky, transforming what has been a an endless sapphire into a great grey slab of concrete. The waves began to lash against the boat and as we changed direction, we smashed our way head on through the growing swell.
As the continent grew smaller the waves grew bigger, smashing the boat high into the air. I began to regret sitting on the top deck. With each wave passengers were sent hurtling high into the air. Sitting on a bench at the back of the ship (so that I had a clear view of the horizon) was a poor decision. Those of us at the back were flung more than most, we held onto the railings for dear life, each wave bigger than the last.
While my hands were locked into position like a vice holding on, my seasickness medicine began to take effect. In the sea I saw dolphins racing alongside our ship, they distracted me from the pounding the relentless crashing up and down was giving to my ass, from the pain in my hands and arms and from my inevitable stage 1 seasickness. Turtles then joined the dolphins, leaping out of the water and smiling at me. My palms became sweaty and my whole body began shaking but the sound of vomiting around me once again focused my attention onto the aquatic circus which was before my eyes. Before I knew it platypuses had joined the turtles and dolphins, then enormous floating jellyfish which looked like hot air balloons, then crabs, then for some reason dancing sausages. Out of nowhere came a man running full pelt across the sea, so fast that his feet stayed dry with the water tension. I looked at his face and saw it was me, my likeness waved at me and I smiled back. All the time my body was being pounded by the waves, the sickness was engulfing my body, I wanted to be sick but I couldn’t let go of the rail, my sweaty hands had no feeling left in them but I had to grip, otherwise I would surely go overboard into the unforgiving sea the way each wave sent me up into the air then crashing back down again. To distract myself from the morbidity of my situation I followed the likeness of myself until I saw a small Island in the distance, at which point, my wonderful, albeit hallucinatory friends vanished.
 |
| A rather grey looking Lady Musgrave Island, taken with a seasick hand. |
End of Part 1.......
Rant of the Day: Why Should I bother learning a Foreign Language?
As I sit at my computer, desperately trying to memorize Chinese characters and useful phrases, I discover to my horror that my efforts may be in vein. A genius with a couple of Raspberry Pi's (cheap basic computers) and some special glasses has created an wonder contraption which subtitles foreign language speakers in real time.
Like many Brit's, I'm useless at language learning. Two years of German and five years of French resulted in nothing due to lazy and/or incompetent teachers teaching uninterested teenagers. Whoever conceived the national curriculum for language learning in the UK should be hung drawn and quartered, for starting it at 12 years old, just as kids lose their natural ability for language learning.
Thanks to these idiot's, whole generations of Brits have needlessly suffered the horror of language learning as an adult with no second language to show for it. Meanwhile the rest of the world learns English (and a plethora of other lingo's) and Britain wonders why its Economy is doing so badly.
So I thank you, the saviour of the Monolingual Retard (being surrounded by bilingual/trilingual people makes me feel incredibly stupid and dejected, so forgive me for this monologue of self loathing), for creating this wondrous device, I hope one day this technological masterpiece can become accessible to everyone in the form of an app, as everything seems to be becoming these days.
P.S. If you happen to be one of those lucky people who just pick up Languages incredibly easily. I hate you! (Meaning of course I envy you and wish I had your amazing ability)
Like many Brit's, I'm useless at language learning. Two years of German and five years of French resulted in nothing due to lazy and/or incompetent teachers teaching uninterested teenagers. Whoever conceived the national curriculum for language learning in the UK should be hung drawn and quartered, for starting it at 12 years old, just as kids lose their natural ability for language learning.
Thanks to these idiot's, whole generations of Brits have needlessly suffered the horror of language learning as an adult with no second language to show for it. Meanwhile the rest of the world learns English (and a plethora of other lingo's) and Britain wonders why its Economy is doing so badly.
 |
| The typical British monolingual retard. Just like me. |
So I thank you, the saviour of the Monolingual Retard (being surrounded by bilingual/trilingual people makes me feel incredibly stupid and dejected, so forgive me for this monologue of self loathing), for creating this wondrous device, I hope one day this technological masterpiece can become accessible to everyone in the form of an app, as everything seems to be becoming these days.
P.S. If you happen to be one of those lucky people who just pick up Languages incredibly easily. I hate you! (Meaning of course I envy you and wish I had your amazing ability)
Review of Tefl Express: The Cheap Online Tefl Course from Groupon
TEFL Express: A fair appraisal
About a year ago, as I was preparing to vacate the UK to teach English in China I suddenly had the urge to get a TEFL qualification. In a mad rush I bought myself a £100 TEFL Express 120hr advanced course from Groupon without really doing my research, only stopping to check whether the course was accredited.
In the mad rush to get going, my TEFL course was lost and forgotten about. My employers didn't care though, so neither did I. After about 8 months of teaching English as a foreign language at the NDI (New Dynamic Institute) in Zhengzhou, I decided it was about time to get a professional qualification in what seemed to be becoming my main income source having only earned £206.74 from travel writing.
(feel free to click on the adverts on my site)
So I found my old Groupon Voucher which was packed away in some unopened suitcase and activated my account with TEFL express. With this course you only get 75 days to complete it, "not a problem", I thought to myself as a whizzed through the first module. "At this rate I'll be finished in a few months", narrated my smug inner monologue. But then I started to wonder, "why is it so easy, a 5 year old could complete this course!". You have to doubt an online professional qualification which is ludicrously easy with a 55% pass rate. I'm currently on 95.6%, losing marks only due to a page with a very unclear exam layout.
However, more worrying than this is the site's constant unreliability. I work everyday from 2pm to 8pm, meaning my free time is in the mornings. Every morning (Chinese Time), the TEFL Express website is down meaning, I can only access the course at night, after a long tiring day at work.
As the course continues, ones scepticism, generated by the simplicity of the course begins to diminish. The units get steadily harder and more useful. Having already taught a lot of classes, it wasn't practical experience I needed, but classroom theory.
Gradually I began to incorporate a lot of what I learned from TEFL express in my own teaching at NDI. The 120hr course is full of useful tips and information and has helped me to become a competent (I hope) "teacher" (I'm not a teacher*).
The TEFL Express 120hr course may not be highly respected, but if you want to teach in China, or have teaching experience and want to learn theory, I would highly recommend it.
Unfortunately I unsure whither the super cheap discount is available via groupon any more. If you want to buy it with the 80% discount that I bought it with (Paying full price is not advisable) you can use the following discount voucher code.
Link to Tefl Express 120 hour special discount page
In order to use the discount page, you need the following promo code: Buddy590545013
If you want to teach English in China, having a certificate will make it so much easier for you to get a job and a foreign expert badge, even if it's one you print yourself!
Here in China, there are a lot of people who paid £600+ for TEFL courses, these people are now the colleagues of people who studied with cheap, online TEFL express. Most of these people, my colleagues, now wish they had save their money.
Heed my warning.
This Review is a few years old now: click on this link to check out my latest review of the TEFL Express 150 hour essentials course.
About a year ago, as I was preparing to vacate the UK to teach English in China I suddenly had the urge to get a TEFL qualification. In a mad rush I bought myself a £100 TEFL Express 120hr advanced course from Groupon without really doing my research, only stopping to check whether the course was accredited.
In the mad rush to get going, my TEFL course was lost and forgotten about. My employers didn't care though, so neither did I. After about 8 months of teaching English as a foreign language at the NDI (New Dynamic Institute) in Zhengzhou, I decided it was about time to get a professional qualification in what seemed to be becoming my main income source having only earned £206.74 from travel writing.
(feel free to click on the adverts on my site)
 |
| TEFL Express, the cheap online TEFL course. |
However, more worrying than this is the site's constant unreliability. I work everyday from 2pm to 8pm, meaning my free time is in the mornings. Every morning (Chinese Time), the TEFL Express website is down meaning, I can only access the course at night, after a long tiring day at work.
 |
| Erqi Square, Zhengzhou. A stones throw away from my Flat. In Zhengzhou, like many Cities in China, you don’t need and ESL or TEFL qualification to teach at schools or Private Training Companies like The New Dynamic Institute (NDI), the place I work! |
As the course continues, ones scepticism, generated by the simplicity of the course begins to diminish. The units get steadily harder and more useful. Having already taught a lot of classes, it wasn't practical experience I needed, but classroom theory.
Gradually I began to incorporate a lot of what I learned from TEFL express in my own teaching at NDI. The 120hr course is full of useful tips and information and has helped me to become a competent (I hope) "teacher" (I'm not a teacher*).
The TEFL Express 120hr course may not be highly respected, but if you want to teach in China, or have teaching experience and want to learn theory, I would highly recommend it.
Unfortunately I unsure whither the super cheap discount is available via groupon any more. If you want to buy it with the 80% discount that I bought it with (Paying full price is not advisable) you can use the following discount voucher code.
Link to Tefl Express 120 hour special discount page
In order to use the discount page, you need the following promo code: Buddy590545013
If you want to teach English in China, having a certificate will make it so much easier for you to get a job and a foreign expert badge, even if it's one you print yourself!
Here in China, there are a lot of people who paid £600+ for TEFL courses, these people are now the colleagues of people who studied with cheap, online TEFL express. Most of these people, my colleagues, now wish they had save their money.
Heed my warning.
This Review is a few years old now: click on this link to check out my latest review of the TEFL Express 150 hour essentials course.
Serious Travel Article 11: Zhengzhou to Dengfeng, and Accidentally to the top of Song Shan | Part 2
Part 2: (For Part one, visit here: http://sammysgenericblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/serious-travel-article-10-from.html
The Mien Bao Che had dropped us off half way up a forested mountain in the Chinese "wilderness". Next to us was an old Buddhist monastery which had been spared the horrors of the cultural revolution. With us we had two bottles of water, sun cream and a bag of sweets. We didn’t really know where we were so the plan was to explore, find some more water (we had been promised numerous water fountains by the guide book) and go back into Dengfeng in an hour or two. Neither of us had the strength to climb such a towering mountain.
Looking around, we had two choices, continue up the dusty old mountain road, or ascend a deserted (rare in China) flight of stairs. The concreted stairs looked more civilized than the road so we began climbing, with no idea how far it might lead.
We climbed.......
..........and climbed,,,,,,,,
and climbed,,,,,,,,,
until eventually we found a brand new toilet complete with squat pot and solar powered television warning visitors not to start forest fires. This was forest fire season. It hadn’t rained in months and it was over 30 degrees c. We were starting to wonder were the water fountains were, we had been climbing for over an hour and our water was almost gone, but some locals we met insisted there was a fountain just a little higher.
So we climbed....
...............and climbed.............
.......and climbed until we could climb no more.
The mountain was now seeming endless, and although the views were spectacular and other worldly. The fantastic colours,jagged peaks and vast horizons were no cure for our fatigue.
We asked yet another climber, "were are these water fountains",
he replied, "Not here, there’s been no rain, no rain, no water",
The only reason we had climbed so high was in some desperate attempt to get water. We were both exasperated and dehydrated. We decided to have a rest in the shade and go back down, all the way to Dengfeng. Going downhill is always a lot easier right?
The other climbers overheard us and warned us against it. "You wont find any water down that way, you'll come down on the wrong side of the mountain. Besides, there's a shop at the summit, they sell water, your already 2/3 the way up!" he exclaimed!
Deflated by his comments, my girlfriend and I got up and started marching, one step at a time up the mountain. Going up the endless flight of stairs became a game of mental endurance. Conversation stopped as all energy was now reserved for climbing. As we went on, my girlfriend started going faster than me. I was slowing down, I couldn’t help it, I was nearing the point of collapse. Just then, I was overtaken by a frail old woman, rejuvenated by loss of face I soldiered on!
As we reached the top the forest petered out and became bare windswept rocks covered by occasional grassland. Ahead was a Taoist temple, with colourful and extensive decorations. I had been warned that I couldn’t take any photos of the Buddha statues, it was offensive to the worshippers. We snuck inside and to our surprise there was a cooler with drinks for sale, water, soda and beer. We bought 6 bottles of water for 4 yuan each (at the bottom of the mountain they cost just 1RMB). Our prayers had been answered!Feeling hungry, I asked how much the food underneath the Buddha cost, the woman selling the water said It was an offering for the dead. Oooops!
We eventually reached the top. In fact, I'm too tired to type, I'm sure you know what happened, we got to the top, took a few pictures, went down the steps, took another mien bao che back to Dengfeng and a coach back to Zhengzhou where I resumed my boring life as a ESL teacher at the New Dynamic Institute, hoping that one day I could leave Zhengzhou again!
(Thank you for reading this long boring story. If you diddn't already guess, its moral is to always pack more water than you need, and don't listen to Chinese locals as they will ofter pretend to know what they're talking about to save face!)
Here's some more pictures of Song Shan as a treat for all you lovely people!
What an unorganized post this has been. I hope you forgive me and visit my wonderful travel blog again!
The Mien Bao Che had dropped us off half way up a forested mountain in the Chinese "wilderness". Next to us was an old Buddhist monastery which had been spared the horrors of the cultural revolution. With us we had two bottles of water, sun cream and a bag of sweets. We didn’t really know where we were so the plan was to explore, find some more water (we had been promised numerous water fountains by the guide book) and go back into Dengfeng in an hour or two. Neither of us had the strength to climb such a towering mountain.
 |
| Temples in the middle of the forest at the base of the ascent of Mount Song (Song Shan). Near Dengfeng in Henan Province, China |
Looking around, we had two choices, continue up the dusty old mountain road, or ascend a deserted (rare in China) flight of stairs. The concreted stairs looked more civilized than the road so we began climbing, with no idea how far it might lead.
 |
| The endless steps of Song Shan! Imagine having to climb up all of them! |
We climbed.......
..........and climbed,,,,,,,,
and climbed,,,,,,,,,
until eventually we found a brand new toilet complete with squat pot and solar powered television warning visitors not to start forest fires. This was forest fire season. It hadn’t rained in months and it was over 30 degrees c. We were starting to wonder were the water fountains were, we had been climbing for over an hour and our water was almost gone, but some locals we met insisted there was a fountain just a little higher.
 |
| The lush forests of Dengfeng with it's Mountains in the Background |
So we climbed....
...............and climbed.............
.......and climbed until we could climb no more.
The mountain was now seeming endless, and although the views were spectacular and other worldly. The fantastic colours,jagged peaks and vast horizons were no cure for our fatigue.
 |
| A rare picture of me about halfway up Mount Song in Dengfeng. It looks far to beautiful to be in China doesn't it? |
We asked yet another climber, "were are these water fountains",
he replied, "Not here, there’s been no rain, no rain, no water",
The only reason we had climbed so high was in some desperate attempt to get water. We were both exasperated and dehydrated. We decided to have a rest in the shade and go back down, all the way to Dengfeng. Going downhill is always a lot easier right?
 |
| The majestic views from Mount Song in Dengfeng, China |
The other climbers overheard us and warned us against it. "You wont find any water down that way, you'll come down on the wrong side of the mountain. Besides, there's a shop at the summit, they sell water, your already 2/3 the way up!" he exclaimed!
Deflated by his comments, my girlfriend and I got up and started marching, one step at a time up the mountain. Going up the endless flight of stairs became a game of mental endurance. Conversation stopped as all energy was now reserved for climbing. As we went on, my girlfriend started going faster than me. I was slowing down, I couldn’t help it, I was nearing the point of collapse. Just then, I was overtaken by a frail old woman, rejuvenated by loss of face I soldiered on!
 |
| The City of Dengfeng, China, as viewed from Mount Song, home of the Shaolin Temple, but we didn't go there. |
As we reached the top the forest petered out and became bare windswept rocks covered by occasional grassland. Ahead was a Taoist temple, with colourful and extensive decorations. I had been warned that I couldn’t take any photos of the Buddha statues, it was offensive to the worshippers. We snuck inside and to our surprise there was a cooler with drinks for sale, water, soda and beer. We bought 6 bottles of water for 4 yuan each (at the bottom of the mountain they cost just 1RMB). Our prayers had been answered!Feeling hungry, I asked how much the food underneath the Buddha cost, the woman selling the water said It was an offering for the dead. Oooops!
 |
| The Temple at the top of the Song Shan Mountain. Well almost at the top. |
We eventually reached the top. In fact, I'm too tired to type, I'm sure you know what happened, we got to the top, took a few pictures, went down the steps, took another mien bao che back to Dengfeng and a coach back to Zhengzhou where I resumed my boring life as a ESL teacher at the New Dynamic Institute, hoping that one day I could leave Zhengzhou again!
(Thank you for reading this long boring story. If you diddn't already guess, its moral is to always pack more water than you need, and don't listen to Chinese locals as they will ofter pretend to know what they're talking about to save face!)
Here's some more pictures of Song Shan as a treat for all you lovely people!
 |
| Water Bottles in hand, here's a Picture of me clinging for dear life at the top of Song Shan |
 |
| More Beautiful Dengfeng Mountains, Much nicer than Zhengzhou just 50 miles away! |
 |
| Me falling over backwards up mount Song, notice the union flag socks! What a good patriot I am! |
 |
| My Beautiful Girlfriend Coco, another foreigner teaching English in China |
What an unorganized post this has been. I hope you forgive me and visit my wonderful travel blog again!
Culture Shock of the Day: Chinese Beggars
Growing up in the UK, I was raised with the belief that if you're poor, it not not your fault. Our media and education system drum into us the idea that individual poverty is somehow society's fault and that we must have a welfare state to protect the most vulnerable members of society. Now with the exception of Corrupt former Councillor and general lowlife James Mumford I would agree with this sentiment. I love the NHS and think the general rejection of Obamacare by the American right wing is one of the most baffling events I've ever seen.
So one of the biggest culture shocks I was lampooned with when I arrived in China, was the way Chinese people treat their poor. There is no sympathy for the man sleeping in the street, the simple beggar or the cripple with no hope of finding work. Many a time I would walk past the man with no legs as he sat motionless and expressionless on the pavement outside the brand new Gucci outlet. Being British I felt an overwhelming urge to give him my money, but it seemed I was alone. At night I could see scores of homeless men sleeping rough under the highway overpasses or in the doorways of unfinished luxury apartment buildings.
No one cared.
I asked my English students what was going on? Was this normal, and were all Chinese Cities like this? They told me that these homeless sleepers were poor but that it was their own fault. Perhaps they were lazy when young and didn't work hard enough. Maybe they didn't study at school or they were former criminals unable to get a job. I was offered a lot of explanation but not a lot of sympathy.
"Isn't China supposed to be communist?", I probed.
"We are communist!" One or two of my students proclaimed angrily.
"So why aren't you all equal then, Isn't that communism", I probed the increasingly agitated mob once more.
"China's system is communism but not everyone is the same", they explained.
"Ah, so some of you are more equal than others!"
They didn't notice my Orwellian realisation.
"Exactly".
Leaving aside the seemingly 19th Century Chinese attitude towards the poor is the phenomenon of fake beggars. Perfectly fit beggars who work hard for 8 hours a day trying to look as pathetic as they can to garner sympathy and cash from the more progressive and gullible elements of Chinese society. According to my Chinese friends, these people drive beamers, live in great big apartments and always have the latest iPhone. I thought this was just a creation of the Chinese government to make people less aware and less concerned about the gaping inequalities in this post communist superstate. But today, as I was coming out of work, I noticed a scruffy old man coming out of an expensive coffee chain complete with a grande latte. As he descended the escalator he checked his brand new Samsung Galaxy Smartphone before taking off his brand new hat. He turned his hat upside down and held it in his had as he got off the escalator and put the change from his coffee in his hat. He turned his attentions to me and said,
"Qian qian qian, xing xing hao ba". (Money money money, please please, I beg you).
Maybe the Chinese have the right attitude to the poor after all.
Now before you judge me and call me and evil Tory, this is the reality in Zhengzhou, not in all cities (Qingdao and Xi'an are a few exceptions) but in quite a few places, these are the attitudes and fake beggars really exist.
Prepare yourself before you come to china!
 |
| Obamacare, not exactly a great healthcare system (thanks to its opponents) but much more egalitarian than communist China's, "no money, no treatment" take on healthcare. |
So one of the biggest culture shocks I was lampooned with when I arrived in China, was the way Chinese people treat their poor. There is no sympathy for the man sleeping in the street, the simple beggar or the cripple with no hope of finding work. Many a time I would walk past the man with no legs as he sat motionless and expressionless on the pavement outside the brand new Gucci outlet. Being British I felt an overwhelming urge to give him my money, but it seemed I was alone. At night I could see scores of homeless men sleeping rough under the highway overpasses or in the doorways of unfinished luxury apartment buildings.
No one cared.
 |
| A Child Sleeps rough on the Streets of Zhengzhou, China. |
I asked my English students what was going on? Was this normal, and were all Chinese Cities like this? They told me that these homeless sleepers were poor but that it was their own fault. Perhaps they were lazy when young and didn't work hard enough. Maybe they didn't study at school or they were former criminals unable to get a job. I was offered a lot of explanation but not a lot of sympathy.
"Isn't China supposed to be communist?", I probed.
"We are communist!" One or two of my students proclaimed angrily.
"So why aren't you all equal then, Isn't that communism", I probed the increasingly agitated mob once more.
"China's system is communism but not everyone is the same", they explained.
"Ah, so some of you are more equal than others!"
They didn't notice my Orwellian realisation.
"Exactly".
 |
| This was supposed to be a picture of the pigs from animal farm. Unfortunately they Chinese Government decided I wasn't allowed to google such undesirable filth! |
Leaving aside the seemingly 19th Century Chinese attitude towards the poor is the phenomenon of fake beggars. Perfectly fit beggars who work hard for 8 hours a day trying to look as pathetic as they can to garner sympathy and cash from the more progressive and gullible elements of Chinese society. According to my Chinese friends, these people drive beamers, live in great big apartments and always have the latest iPhone. I thought this was just a creation of the Chinese government to make people less aware and less concerned about the gaping inequalities in this post communist superstate. But today, as I was coming out of work, I noticed a scruffy old man coming out of an expensive coffee chain complete with a grande latte. As he descended the escalator he checked his brand new Samsung Galaxy Smartphone before taking off his brand new hat. He turned his hat upside down and held it in his had as he got off the escalator and put the change from his coffee in his hat. He turned his attentions to me and said,
"Qian qian qian, xing xing hao ba". (Money money money, please please, I beg you).
 |
| A fake beggar pushing his way along in China |
Maybe the Chinese have the right attitude to the poor after all.
Now before you judge me and call me and evil Tory, this is the reality in Zhengzhou, not in all cities (Qingdao and Xi'an are a few exceptions) but in quite a few places, these are the attitudes and fake beggars really exist.
Prepare yourself before you come to china!
Serious Travel Article 10: From Zhengzhou to Dengfeng; and accidentally to the top of Song Shan (Mount Song) Part 1
I was staring into a pit of oblivion.
If you have ever lived in a large Chinese Metropolis you probably know the feeling. I was surrounded by towering apartment buildings which seemed to have no end, just becoming more sparse the further from the center you got. Theoretically they should have become so sparse at some point they would just run out. But that point never came, there was always just a new center, and it was impossible to traverse the vast territory of abandoned factories and humungous building sites expanding the city ever further.
The city was expanding so quickly and was already so vast and smoggy that it felt to me like a universe in its own right. (Zhengzhou is considered a small city in China).
I needed escape, work (Teaching English as a foreign language at Zhengzhou New Dynamic Institute) was breaking me down. It wasn't hard and it's semi-enjoyable but after 6 months with no break the natural erosion of the soul caused by the 9-5 (in my case the 2-8) was taking its toll on me. I asked for more days off, maybe some holiday time, fat chance, I was the only European teacher my school had, they weren't going to lose their poster boy (yes, many Chinese people are that shallow (and yes I'm aware that I'm making a sweeping generalization about the Chinese tendency to generalize)).
I then asked for consecutive days off.
"No".
So I had a 24hr window to get out of this hideous city.
The day after my revelation I dragged myself out of bed at 6am and with my girlfriend, got the first bus to Dengfeng (1hr to the west of Zhengzhou).
The bus was crowded, like most transport in China but it wasn't dirty. The on board television was playing Henan Opera, a favorite in Zhengzhou. From the window of the bus Zhengzhou looked smaller, more penetrable and eventually it gave way to a gravelly wasteland, comprised of rubble, scrap metal fences and lonely looking derelict towers. This then gave way to trees, then hills, the trees turned to forests and the hills to mountains. Soon enough the bus was driving towards the Song Shan range of mountains, at the foot of which was the city of Dengfeng.
On a Chinese scale Dengfeng isn't much of a city at all. More of a village, population maybe 300,000. At the bus station, the usual hordes of chancers and opportunists were trying to sell their illegal services to vulnerable tourists and hardy travelers.
"Shaolin Si! Shaolin Si!", they screamed excitedly at seeing the obvious foreigner.
"Bu yao, xie xie ni",
"Shaolin Si! Shaolin Su! Shaolin Si!!!", They insisted,
"I said no, aren't you listening to me?"
"Shaolin Si",
"NOOOOOO!",
"Shaolin Si", they whimpered disappointingly.
We exited the terminal post haste and quickly soliceted the help of a local man with a Mian Bao Che (Bread Car). He said it was 50RMB a person to get up Mt Song. Apparently it was one of the five sacred Taoist mountains in China. Not only that, Song Shan is considered to greatest. I was skeptical, I was convinced he was just trying to rip us off, get a bit of dosh at the expense of some foreigners. Despite my skepticism of the dodgy man near the bus station (every terminal in the world seems to attract the same type of people) my girlfriend was convinced of his honesty, so we climbed into the funny little truck and were on our way.
The truck climbed high above Dengfeng and into the forested mountains. Eventually we came to a dried up old riverbed along witch was a bridge and a checkpoint. The man told us to get out and cross the riverbed, we climbed down and ran across as fast as we could without being spotted by the guards, eager to charge us 50 yuan for entry. We scrambled up the other side and hopped back into our ride. Our diver had convinced the checkpoint that he was just bringing some much needed supplies to the monks who lived in the temples dotted around the mountains. We drove along more precarious mountain roads, first tarmac, then dirt before we being dropped off in the middle of nowhere. Just us, a path into the forest and a Taoist Temple.
End of Part 1
If you have ever lived in a large Chinese Metropolis you probably know the feeling. I was surrounded by towering apartment buildings which seemed to have no end, just becoming more sparse the further from the center you got. Theoretically they should have become so sparse at some point they would just run out. But that point never came, there was always just a new center, and it was impossible to traverse the vast territory of abandoned factories and humungous building sites expanding the city ever further.
 |
| The endless smoggy metropolis that is Zhengzhou. In this photo is the Henan TV tower, believe it or not, this is the very edge of Zhengzhou. |
The city was expanding so quickly and was already so vast and smoggy that it felt to me like a universe in its own right. (Zhengzhou is considered a small city in China).
I needed escape, work (Teaching English as a foreign language at Zhengzhou New Dynamic Institute) was breaking me down. It wasn't hard and it's semi-enjoyable but after 6 months with no break the natural erosion of the soul caused by the 9-5 (in my case the 2-8) was taking its toll on me. I asked for more days off, maybe some holiday time, fat chance, I was the only European teacher my school had, they weren't going to lose their poster boy (yes, many Chinese people are that shallow (and yes I'm aware that I'm making a sweeping generalization about the Chinese tendency to generalize)).
 |
| The Side of the Da Shanghai shopping Mall in Zhengzhou |
I then asked for consecutive days off.
"No".
So I had a 24hr window to get out of this hideous city.
The day after my revelation I dragged myself out of bed at 6am and with my girlfriend, got the first bus to Dengfeng (1hr to the west of Zhengzhou).
 |
| Nested in the Song Shan Mountains, the Beautiful city of Dengfeng. |
The bus was crowded, like most transport in China but it wasn't dirty. The on board television was playing Henan Opera, a favorite in Zhengzhou. From the window of the bus Zhengzhou looked smaller, more penetrable and eventually it gave way to a gravelly wasteland, comprised of rubble, scrap metal fences and lonely looking derelict towers. This then gave way to trees, then hills, the trees turned to forests and the hills to mountains. Soon enough the bus was driving towards the Song Shan range of mountains, at the foot of which was the city of Dengfeng.
 |
| Henan Opera |
On a Chinese scale Dengfeng isn't much of a city at all. More of a village, population maybe 300,000. At the bus station, the usual hordes of chancers and opportunists were trying to sell their illegal services to vulnerable tourists and hardy travelers.
"Shaolin Si! Shaolin Si!", they screamed excitedly at seeing the obvious foreigner.
"Bu yao, xie xie ni",
"Shaolin Si! Shaolin Su! Shaolin Si!!!", They insisted,
"I said no, aren't you listening to me?"
"Shaolin Si",
"NOOOOOO!",
"Shaolin Si", they whimpered disappointingly.
 |
| The Shaolin Temple (Shaolin Si), birthplace of Zen Buddhism and top tourist attraction. Here it is with some monks outside posing for the camera. |
We exited the terminal post haste and quickly soliceted the help of a local man with a Mian Bao Che (Bread Car). He said it was 50RMB a person to get up Mt Song. Apparently it was one of the five sacred Taoist mountains in China. Not only that, Song Shan is considered to greatest. I was skeptical, I was convinced he was just trying to rip us off, get a bit of dosh at the expense of some foreigners. Despite my skepticism of the dodgy man near the bus station (every terminal in the world seems to attract the same type of people) my girlfriend was convinced of his honesty, so we climbed into the funny little truck and were on our way.
 |
| An overcooked Mian Bao Che, our little bread van was much less on fire than this one. |
The truck climbed high above Dengfeng and into the forested mountains. Eventually we came to a dried up old riverbed along witch was a bridge and a checkpoint. The man told us to get out and cross the riverbed, we climbed down and ran across as fast as we could without being spotted by the guards, eager to charge us 50 yuan for entry. We scrambled up the other side and hopped back into our ride. Our diver had convinced the checkpoint that he was just bringing some much needed supplies to the monks who lived in the temples dotted around the mountains. We drove along more precarious mountain roads, first tarmac, then dirt before we being dropped off in the middle of nowhere. Just us, a path into the forest and a Taoist Temple.
End of Part 1
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