Widespread Medical Incompetence in China Almost Killed Me!

Before I begin writing this post, I am aware I ought to tread carefully to avoid causing offence. Let me state now that I don't hate Chinese doctors but the incompetent to the point of dangerous ones operating in China today, and there are a lot. Might I also point out that I of the Dawkins (Richard) and Brown (Derran) school of thought when it comes to medicine. To plagiarize Minchin (Tim), my diplomacy dyke is seriously compromised when a well meaning friend offers to cure my illness with a homoeopathic remedy or suggests acupuncture, so the following is not a swipe at the exotic, just at stupidity.

Derran Brown, who shares my views on medical charlatans.

I have diarrhoea, not the most picturesque thought but essential to my story I assure you. I've had it for about 5 days now and clearly the initial novelty and excitement one initially feels has long worn off.To end the watery flow it took some Tesco anti-diarrhoea pills, as instructed, and like magic, I was bunged up, stomach aching. But, at least I diddn't have half of Zhengzhou fussing over me and insisting I visited the hospital for blood tests and (the dreaded) "dripping"!

For the pain of the bunging up, I took the anti inflammatory Ibuprofen. I later found out that this is known to aggravate stomach pain so stopped taking it, but my gaffe prolonged my condition to a point where the calls for a hospital visit became impossible to escape. On the third day of my illness I was accompanied by my fiancée and her brother to the hospital.

I told doctor number one that I had been suffering from low blood pressure, feeling feint and such. Could she check my blood pressure for me. She puffed up the armband and told me my blood pressure was 102.

A true blood pressure reading must contain systolic pressure (when the heart contracts) and diastolic (when the heart relaxes). Thank you AS level Biology class!

"Don't worry, 102 is very normal", she said.
"102 over what?" I asked, clearly unhappy with half a reading.
"Just 102", she insisted.
"That makes no sense, you need a diastolic reading too", I paraphrased, unable to used such medical jargon in Chinese.
"Don't worry, you're fine", she parroted again and again to all my complaints.

After her exchange with me, she laughed with the others present about how all foreigners are so silly, or words to that effect. Everyone laughed. They must have been thinking of how similar I was to the half Korean half Somalian woman that came in the week before. She told me she had no idea how to treat me and I should go to another hospital. A rare display of honesty from the woman who would almost kill me later.

The Pretty Pink Nurses of the Ugly Zhengzhou Peoples Hospital March in Formation.

Doctor number two at Zhengzhou People's Hospital lay me down on a bed and began to poke my belly at various sensitive pressure spots. He told me to identify which one hurt most.

"All of them", I screamed
"But wish wun iz moss", he insisted on using English.
"They all hurt equally", I clarified.

He clearly had a plan and wouldn’t accept none of them for an answer. 

He pushed again, this time lighter on all points except my lower right belly (just above my appendix) which he pushed phenomenally hard causing me to convulse in pain.

Whiss wun hursh mosser?

I could see what he was trying to do so I lied.

"The middle left, really hurts", I said, unconvincingly.
"I sink so yes", he said pointing at my appendix, totally ignoring my lie.
I said "No, not there"

He repeated his "Experiment", inflicting more, unbelievable pain, and I'm convinced trying to induce appendicitis.

I Love my Appendix, despite being useless, I want to keep it. It's not doing me any harm!

He gestured at my appendix and said, its got to come out! But don't worry, we can do the operation today! (He was back to Chinese after exhausting his English) He repeated his experiment (out of spite) until I forced him to stop and told him he was pushing way harder on my appendix and that if I had appendicitis I probably would have felt it before meeting him. He grew angry that I didn't believe him and tried to repeat his torture but I overpowered him and left the money grabbing organ thief to fume in his office. I also may have told him that he was a dangerous quack with no ethics and he could do dirty things to himself.

I have no problems deservedly causing Chinese bastards to lose face. If it ruins their day all the better. The worst thing a doctor can do is sacrifice the health of his patients for the sake of financial greed. I wish all the unhappiness in the world to "Doctors" like him.

Doctor number three, also at Zhengzhou People's Hospital said nothing of appendicitis, and prescribed me five drips of fluids and anti inflammatories. The same ones which gave me the stomach pains. He didn’t know either, but at least he wasn't intentionally dangerous. I was polite and civil. After acting shitty to one person in China, I always make a point of being overly nice to the next ten people I meet, to stop the foreigners of Zhengzhou being seen as rude, disgusting barbarians (whom some of them are, see my post about drug taking idiots by clicking here ).

I went back to doctor number one for my drip because she practised close to my home, not because I was impressed by her blood pressure reading skills. I thought, drips are as common as pills in China, what's the worst that could happen? Of course the answer to that is a bubble in the drip being sucked into the vein and causing a blockage in the heart or brain causing death if untreated. Like clockwork, I noticed that bubble in my drip line, it was too close to my hand to stop the flow but I shouted bubble at the top of my lungs and tried to pull the line from my hand. The doctor and assistants rushed to stop me and as I was overpowered I saw the bubble rush into my bloodstream.  

Air Embolism, caused by air bubbles in drips (among other things) can kill. You Shi, not Mei Shi!

They laughed once more as I sat terrified at the possibility of imminent death. "Aren’t foreigners pathetic", they giggled, "scared of a little bubble, I've never known such a fuss". Later the doctor assured me the it was nothing (Mei Shu) and that a bubble of less than 0.5ml was harmless. Two problems with that, 1 she didn’t measure the bubble and later research by me found the statement to be absolute bullshit and my concern totally justified.

I am lucky to be alive, no thanks to Medicine, as practised (not enough clearly) in China, well Zhengzhou anyway! If you come to China, watch out! For you appendix especially.  

P.S. My Appendix is still sore from that bastard doctor, can Appendicitis be induced by an external injury I wonder?